I need some help -so powerless

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nerdygirl
Posts: 2
Joined: Mon Mar 14, 2016 5:02 am

I need some help -so powerless

Postby nerdygirl » Sun Sep 11, 2016 3:17 pm

Hi there, CPS came into the lives of me, my husband and our three children and my son from a prior marriage.

Let me start by say I am completely responsible for my own actions. I have been struggling with a meth habit for about 3 years. Prior to that I was on adderhal for ADHD. I am an accountant in public practice and was able to wear a mask easily.

Background is that my Husband called me home from my office in March saying he forgot baby formula. It was tax season and I was working late. I left office, went home as I had the family car and when i walked in he took my keys and began accusing me of cheating. This is something he has accused me of our entire relationship. Along with name calling, banging on office doors, withholding my children for months at a time when we were seperated etc. at one point before we got married (we shared one child then) the DA and police brought my daughter to me after 6 months of my Husband concealing her and not following the custody order.

U will ask why did I marry him. Well I can't tell you. But once someone has trained you that they are the lifeline to ur children, it makes the relationship hard to sever. It's a trauma bond.

So he began calling me names and then threw laundry detergent over my head and chased me upstairs. I ran in the master room and locked the door and called 911. Keep in mind this was the first time I have ever called 911 because he had me convinced that I would always be the one to go to jail because I had the drug problem. Well. Was terrified and I called them. They came and initially they had him cuffed and ready to go in the car had the police officer not noticed when a bag fell out of my bra when I stood up. Plans changed. We then both got charged. Him for DV which now was going to be sited and allowed to stay home and me to jail for possession.

CPS jumped in two days later. So here is what happened.

First the social worker fell in love with the charming side of my sociopathic husband. Second She offered family maintence However I wanted to be clean and I knew in the back of my mind this was not possible in the state of my marriage. And I did not want to lose my kids forever. CPS said he failed to protect on the petition but truly there is so much more than I could ever have them
Understand. I emailed the social worker three times asking if I could have an option to be alone and not in the family home and still have maintence and she never addressed it so 3 weeks later I moved back in. Then the fighting. I moved back in April 12th. On the weekend of May 1st, my husbands friend of 15 years needed a ride to Stanford to undergo her cancer treatment. She is terminal with only a few months left to live as is donating her pain and suffering to an experimental treatment at Stanford. So my husband left overnight and came back the next day. He was evil upon his return. Fighting, name calling, telling me he could have CPS remove me, everything I can think would be awful to say he said. I knew I had to leav that night before it got physical so I did. And like chewing my fingernails, I relapsed that night. When I returned the next day I was honest and told my husband. Who then spent the next three days torturing me until finally he told the social worker in May 5th.

I was asked to leave again. They removed me from maintence and gave me a list of services for me to find myself in order for me to return home. They submitted a modified report to court saying I need to do a list and then I can return to the family home.

Keep in mind I am the sole provider for my family so I was willing to do anything, but it was a real difficult pill to swallow. Not only having to pay for all this treatment but putting my practice on the back burner. But I did.

The day before I went into Inpatient, I got notified that my corporate wireless account was over the minutes. I have over 20,000 minutes on 8 devices and in four years this has never happened. So I went on Verizon and looked to see who was going over. It was my husband. He had all these random numbers I didn't recognize and it was already past 1 am and he was still calling people. So I copied the number and pasted it into google. It was an advertisement for prositution. And likewise with about 2000 calls over the past 18 months on my husbands line.

I could not believe what I was seeing and I confronted him. I went to the house when the kids were asleep and talked to him outside. He told me I was crazy and delusional. He said he thought I was a prositutes and he was only looking for me cause he was sure I was cheating on him.

I left crying. He later called CPS and told them I was banging on the door. Never happened

I went into treatment the next day. They recommended 30days and I instead stayed 60. I wanted to make sure that I was healthy enough to cope with what was outside.

During my stay in inpatient, I had a court date. So I went on pass to meet my attorney the Saturday before. My visitations had not been rescheduled since entering treatment and it was about 5 weeks since I intaked. My attorney showed me emails from minors counsel and count counsel repeating these horrible lies my husband had been filling their heads with. That he didn't even think I should have visitation because I am using in rehab. Crazy lies.

I made a decision that day to file for legal seperation. And I did and severed him 2 days later.

Since then I have graduated inpatient, graduated intensive outpatient. I go to a therapist weekly. I did a psych evaluation and it was clean., they asked me to do one anger management class and I did two. They asked for one parenting class and I did four. I have literally checked everything off their court submitted task list. And still....I get one hour a week supervised visit. The CPS worker listens to my husband and he he even tried to say I hung dirty underwear all over the house when he was gone. Really trying to cover that I had sex with him in the guesthouse. I had to email my Husband to retrieve my sweater and then all of a sudden he goes into protect his illusion and I will make up some thing Incase she tells them she was here.


Here is where it gets worse. The friend who went with him to get her cancer treatment. His best friend who I had only met a handful of times...contacts me on Facebook out of thin air demanding to see me face to face. I meet her and she tells me my husband on the weekend of May 1st (my relapse weekend) had sexually assaulted her. I didn't know what to say to her but that I was sorry she was in that pain and she was scared I would never believe her. But I did. Cause of the hundreds of Hookers. How could I not believe her. She then told me my husband was playing these mind tricks on her attempting to get her to doubt her own memory. I told her that was called gas lighting and my husband had been torturing me wth this for years.

So all during this time while I was not in my home, my sister in law, a meth addict (I mean not one that would be one second without needed and bag) and an alcoholic has been the one at my home providing child care to my children. I could not understand how he has a failure to protect and CPS was allowing it. Not to mention his sister was a convicted felon and the charge was kidnapping and battery on a minor just 3 years before.

But she had moved in my house and was caring for my children.

So I have accepted everything as much as possible now CPS says they pretty much plan on me being on a one hou a week schedule till the case closed in January. Not reunification! My husband gets maintence.

And now I find out that my husband packed up my nphone entire home and moved my children with him to Sacramento 3 hours away. Into the home of his girlfriend of 3 weeks. Everything I own is gone. AND CPS APPROVED HIS TRANSFER SAME DAY LAST WEEK.

So after all this work and all this fighting for my children and sacrificing... They are allowed to just up and leave and no one told me UNTIL 4 days later

Omg help me I just want my kids

nerdygirl
Posts: 2
Joined: Mon Mar 14, 2016 5:02 am

Re: I need some help -so powerless

Postby nerdygirl » Sun Sep 11, 2016 3:31 pm

One more thing. The social worker told me that he did not need to tell me about the sudden move. The worker said that he only needed the consent of minors counsel. And i had no say. This judge has said in court that even though I am paying for my own services (about $60,000 for all recommended services out of pocket) that I will be in good standing for parental custodial time with my kids at the end of the case. But how is that now that they have been sent 3 hours away out of this judges jurisdiction. I have lost my family, my business has been cut by 75% so I could do everything I was asked, my husband took all the marital assets in the home, and he threw away everything personal, and I used up every last dollar of savings to do all of their requirements.

How can they submit a recommendation that I go home to my kids upon completing their task list only for them to say "oh nevermind I changed my mind". Not to mention how is it I am staying clean no matter what and having to pay for my own tests twice a week because CPS won't even TEST ME. I don't understand. I trusted them and did everything

My youngest is 10 MONTHS!!


I will also say when I found out my husband was seeing all these Hookers and at all hours of day and night, and this was after I left the house when only him and his sister there...are Hookers going to my house? I should the wireless bills and the ads to CPS worker. When he asked me why I decided to end the relationship. He told me he talked to my husband and accepted his explanation that HE THOUGHT I WAS PROSTITUTING!! Me who's accounting practice broke a million dollars last year!!! He even called a prositute when I was delivering our 10 month old baby. He left the hospital to take daughter to school and called a hooker in Rohnert park the next town. And how can they say he was looking for me when I was being induced at Santa Rosa memorial hospital. And not to mention the one he called looks all but 16 and Asian. I am blonde and blue eyes. Not That I need to defend myself but how can this social worker buy this


My attorney who I had to private pay says he has never seen the department treat someone like they are treating me. And I am a good example of someone who has done everything required and went beyond the requests and did more. They just hate me. And I know he is fight I g for me but it's not fast enough. He has a lot of cases. Something is broken here. I can see why so many moms give up, cause everyday I wake up and have to dig every ounce of hope from deep inside. I stopped praying because I feel abandoned by God too


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