Need advice

For those concerned about children and parents in CPS cases.

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bigjoey38
Posts: 9
Joined: Wed Sep 25, 2013 5:02 pm

Need advice

Postby bigjoey38 » Thu Sep 26, 2013 5:08 pm

Hello all

I will try to make this as short as I can..

I have a x-daughter in law that lives in the next State. She has a total of 5 children, which one is my 10 year old grandson. There is no stability in there home. They have move so many times that the kids have not been able to stay in a school to make it within 2 grades..Well the s>> hit the fan about a month in a half ago when her daughter (13 yrs old) told her she was sexually abuse by her step dad ( x daughter in law husband) . It was reported to police and he was arrested 2 days later. They supply have evidence on computer and so forth.. During this time they move to another location within the State. My grandson had spent time with us over the summer to include time with his dad. Mine you the kids range in age of 13,10, 5,3,2.. When we would take out grandson back to his mom he cried and since it was a 6 hour drive he would want to stop at every rest stop. It was not because he needed to use the restroom but it was to delay him from going home... I felt really bad for him but we did not want to break the law...Well early this week there mom had to be admitted to the hospital and the kids had no where to go.. Luckily there other grandfather was able to stay with then for a few days.. She is home now but my understanding is she had to go to a hearing for CPS? Not sure what that was about but I think it had to do with the kids being awarded to the state is something was to happen. Today she had to go to the hospital again for medical reasons.. I am not sure what exactly is happening but
I know she is not well... IMO the kids are not being taken care of the way they should be....I have a letter ready to go to CPS with what me and my wife can offer for our grandson. Its not about taken him away from his mom, but I don't want him to be a statistic. My CPS also and has spoken with a case worker..not to sure what is happing there.. My x daughter in law has full custody.... Now I really hope she gets better but I have to be ready just in case... so here is my question:

1) Does my son have a right to his son if she gets admitted to the hospital for medical issues and is unable to care for the child.
2) will a letter to CPS be helpful with what we the grandparents can offer? Now mine you we are just talking about 1 child since the mother was involved with 3 different fathers. I feel that the other family members need to step up to the plate. We cant take all five..Just 1.
3) Shouldn't the kids be getting counseling since they were all in the home ( abuse) that the incident took place?
4) Is there something we the grandparents should be doing?

Thanks for any advice you can provide..

sabem
Posts: 10
Joined: Tue Jul 03, 2012 12:19 am

Re: Need advice

Postby sabem » Sat Oct 19, 2013 8:54 pm

My first question to you would be...Do you have some sort of relationship with the mother? Can you or your son speak to her and be civil? If so, you really should communicate with her and find out how serious her medical issues are. I'm sure that she would want her children to go with family in the case of her death or not being able to care for them due to medical reasons(as most mothers would). If not, perhaps your son could get her to give him the information so he's aware of where things are. Personally, I believe this would help all of your concerns. I DO NOT think (and I'm sure everyone else on fightcps would agree) that writing a letter to CPS is a good idea! Honestly, you have no idea the damage they are capable of until you live through it. Even though your intentions are good, CPS will twist and turn anything/everything you say to their advantage. If you want custody of your grandson, try to do it without their involvement. Please take the time to read some of the stories on this site and you'll see how corrupt they truly are. If your son has custody over the summer, there should not be an issue with him getting his child if the mother cannot take care of him. He should go to court for full custody but not get CPS involved. CPS in your lives will only cause more damage to everyone, especially your grandson. Just food for thought, what if CPS can't decide if your able to care for him (to their standards)? He will then go to live in a strangers home and have weekly visitations with you and his father for as long as they see fit.

As for the children getting counseling, I would say that depends on if they were involved somehow. My understanding is the 13 yr old girl told the mother "she" had been sexually abused by the step dad. Were the other children abused or did they see or hear any abuse happening? If so, then yes, absolutely they should seek counseling. If not, then no. You don't want to force children to know about adult subjects unless they were physically/mentally involved. They are young enough that it would just confuse them.

As his grandparents, I would suggest that you try to figure out what is going on with the mother and be as supportive as you can to your grandson. He is probably very scared. Even though he doesn't seem to want to go home with his mom, I would assume that he is still very worried about her health. After all, she is his mother. Have you asked him what he wants? Each state is different but at a certain age, the child can have a say in where they want to live. I'm not sure why it i you that is seeking custody/guardianship of him and not his father, is there a reason why the father is not the one doing this? If there is a reason the courts wouldn't give him custody then you should definitely step in. CPS (a lot of times) will give the kids to grandparents if both parents are not fit to take them. However; most of the time, the child will go to a foster home until CPS decided that or can contact a relative. If the mother tells them that you will take him (if they do get involved), they will contact you. Just a forewarning about how "illegal" CPS does things..........The laws state that CPS has to be diligent in placing kids with friends/family. It took them almost two months to even consider contacting my family when they took my daughter. She was placed with a relative four months after CPS was given custody. I don't consider that diligent at all. "A year" later, I got her back. All of that damage and heartache just for allowing her to visit her birth mother. Please, for the sake of your family, do not get CPS involved!

I hope this helped. Good luck with your situation and please keep us updated.


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