Personality changes in toddler after foster care

How does one recover from trauma and PTSD? This area is for people who have been attacked by CPS and are having a hard time getting over it.

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mamalion
Posts: 147
Joined: Tue Mar 15, 2011 8:43 am

Personality changes in toddler after foster care

Postby mamalion » Fri Sep 30, 2011 6:32 pm

My children were taken for 70 days, my toddler was 2.5, she is different and has a lot of emotional issues now. Therapy isn' helping. What
is normal? has anyone ever been able to fix this?

They didn't even investigate, just removed and refused to admit they were wrong. been a long year

Beatthescammers
Posts: 259
Joined: Wed May 18, 2011 7:04 pm

Re: Personality changes in toddler after foster care

Postby Beatthescammers » Fri Sep 30, 2011 7:48 pm

I am saddened that CPS did this to your family. This same tragedy has happened to far too many parents in the US.

Children feel confusion, anger, and despair after prolonged isolation from their primary caregivers. Reassure your children that you are not going anywhere ever again. Hold your toddler almost continually. Carry her around as much as possible. It is ok to put her mattress near yours so if she awakens, she can find you and know you have not left her. For God's sake, never tell CPS that your toddler slept in your room on her own mattress! If possible avoid leaving your toddler for any length of time and stay at home with her until her behavior returns to its past state. This will likely occur when she realizes that you are "permanent" in her life. (I adopted a toddler from an orphanage who had attachment issues, but by my husband and I literally carried her everywhere for 2 years and overcame this terrible problem. She is a very loving, very normal, and successful young adult now . Your child will recover too.)

Be very wary of therapists. Don't mention anything about your toddler being emotionally or physically abused in foster care. Therapists are mandatory reporters and if the tiniest problem sparks their concern, they will call CPS on you. CPS might twist this and investigate you again and the second time will be more horrific. If you decide to cancel therapy, find some way out of it where the therapist will be less likely to call CPS on you for being a "neglectful parent" who canceling important health care for your child. There are stories on this forum about such occurrences.
Last edited by Beatthescammers on Sat Oct 01, 2011 9:58 am, edited 1 time in total.

mamalion
Posts: 147
Joined: Tue Mar 15, 2011 8:43 am

Re: Personality changes in toddler after foster care

Postby mamalion » Sat Oct 01, 2011 9:50 am

thanks for replying. We co-sleep, CPS knew that and still does. They don't care. (we're in a fairly alternative type area)

We are in therapy, the therapist is the first to tell CPS they screwed up and hurt our family and kids. Maybe it's rare to find such a therapist.

CPSptsd
Posts: 62
Joined: Wed May 18, 2011 7:31 pm

Re: Personality changes in toddler after foster care

Postby CPSptsd » Mon Oct 03, 2011 2:03 pm

mamalion;

It is good that you do have a therapist who understands.

We are too terrified and as a result our child needs therapy but isn't getting it. Since your child is still little, I would take an Attachment Parenting type of approach for sure.

Our daughter was parented this way, before CPS took her and her father then hid her for a year. She was 3.5 when we got her back and the damage was pretty severe. During the time she was gone she'd been told her mom was dead, she'd been neglected, abused, and shuffled around, and lived a completely different life from what she'd known.

I think you will be working hard at healing but with her being so young you have a better shot at it. Just my 2 cents.
"You know, the very powerful and the very stupid have one thing in common. They don't alter their views to fit the facts. They alter the facts to fit their views. Which can be uncomfortable if you happen to be one of the facts that need altering." -- The Doctor

mamalion
Posts: 147
Joined: Tue Mar 15, 2011 8:43 am

Re: Personality changes in toddler after foster care

Postby mamalion » Mon Oct 03, 2011 6:30 pm

just read your story, WOW, that is so sad.

we have always AP'd, that has been used against me too.

I just really miss the little girl they kidnapped.

CPSptsd
Posts: 62
Joined: Wed May 18, 2011 7:31 pm

Re: Personality changes in toddler after foster care

Postby CPSptsd » Tue Oct 04, 2011 6:00 am

I know exactly what you mean. We have a totally different child than the one that used to live with us.... I mean, of course there were developmental changes in the year she was gone, but that's not it. It's like she has a totally different personality. :( She is in elementary school now, and we have trouble constantly with her behavior at home and at school. She is indiscriminately friendly and affectionate with anyone and everyone, defiant (but in a sneaky way), and is repeating a grade primarily for flat-out refusing to do work. She seems to have symptoms of Reactive Attachment Disorder, thankfully not the lack of empathy though. But the other stuff, deception, sneaking, destructive, food issues, etc. She is oppositional in so many things where she just seems to do whatever (or not do it) simply because she's been told the opposite. We have seen progress but man, it is SLOW going.

I just know in my heart that none of that would be true had this not taken place. The biggest thing is that where she was once a genuine and sincerely charming child, she is now very falsely charming, if that makes sense, and people who don't spend a lot of time with her don't understand the "act" and think we are just exaggerating when they hear of the problems we have with her. Number one issue with us getting her therapy right there. We are so afraid of a "mandated report" coming from some crazy thing she decides to say. We are afraid with school too but at least the school she is in (and has been in since kinder) knows her history and knows not to take her literally. If we could find a therapist we could trust AND one familiar with RAD type issues that would be ideal.

We never had AP used against us, but I did have a caseworker (from the initial case) tell us to spank the kids and she seemed to think we were dumb for choosing not to! She, herself, had no kids and we got into some "debates" about child development. She didn't know what she was talking about... frightening huh?

Again, i hope your family can heal. It makes me so mad that there is ZERO acknowledgement regarding the negative and long lasting issues that arise from separation, even though it is psych 101!
"You know, the very powerful and the very stupid have one thing in common. They don't alter their views to fit the facts. They alter the facts to fit their views. Which can be uncomfortable if you happen to be one of the facts that need altering." -- The Doctor

mamalion
Posts: 147
Joined: Tue Mar 15, 2011 8:43 am

Re: Personality changes in toddler after foster care

Postby mamalion » Tue Oct 04, 2011 9:17 am

In our state they don't allow spanking anyway but they push time out, although they spent most of the 70 days alone in a rom crying.

I keep hearing how others got over it faster, I don't believe it, and so what?

What's so sad it they were taken over someone lying and being spiteful.

annakenc
Posts: 163
Joined: Fri Aug 26, 2011 12:57 pm

Re: Personality changes in toddler after foster care

Postby annakenc » Sun Oct 16, 2011 2:06 pm

wow...PRO found sharing about the most important topic of all topics
and good point psych 101
No state shall make or enforce any law which shall abridge the privileges or immunities of citizens of the United States; nor shall any State deprive any person life, liberty or property without due process of law; nor deny to any person within its jurisdiction the equal protection of the laws.

mamalion
Posts: 147
Joined: Tue Mar 15, 2011 8:43 am

Re: Personality changes in toddler after foster care

Postby mamalion » Sun Oct 16, 2011 6:43 pm

I'm confused anna

annakenc
Posts: 163
Joined: Fri Aug 26, 2011 12:57 pm

Re: Personality changes in toddler after foster care

Postby annakenc » Tue Oct 18, 2011 8:11 am

Sorry, just saying, it's a welcome change to see people caring to share about this most profound topic which affects little kids. I am still sulking over the fact that the people who are getting paid to know and care just wont do it.
There are criminals in our government system, and the social workers are some of the worst...and I just wanted to post to really rally you all on in the dialogue you're having bc I know that as parents we are acutely aware of what our children go through, and yet were treated like our opinion doesnt count. That can make for some mental challenges.
Just glad to see people apply themselves to discuss this reality which is so complex
No state shall make or enforce any law which shall abridge the privileges or immunities of citizens of the United States; nor shall any State deprive any person life, liberty or property without due process of law; nor deny to any person within its jurisdiction the equal protection of the laws.


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