I am paranoid... my kids with me but I am a wreck. thx CPS

How does one recover from trauma and PTSD? This area is for people who have been attacked by CPS and are having a hard time getting over it.

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unicorn775
Posts: 21
Joined: Sun Mar 01, 2015 9:37 pm

I am paranoid... my kids with me but I am a wreck. thx CPS

Postby unicorn775 » Wed Apr 22, 2015 7:02 am

even my kids are home and safe. Probably the cps decided not to mess wit disable ones - no one wants to give several meds 4-5 times a day, look at seizures and go to docs every week. and no one wants to mess with the rest of my herd... so thank God to that.
But I am a train wreck - PTSD - i bet. Sleep disorder. GAD, depression, anxiety. I can get to pain doc for spinal treatment - CPS successfully made me loose my medicaid - giving a dumb advises. My hubs back home - I am still like paranoid freak looking out of the window fearing every car, every stranger down the street... Who will pay for it... who will pay for my kids' tears... even my 15 yo son was crying with relief when found out that investigation is over and dad can come back home because they couldn't prove anything.... who will pay for my 5 yo daughters tears every night and nightmares? for 2 months... I know other people are not as lucky as I am. but onl because I have 4 out of m 5 kids psychiatricly unstable, it was not worth messing with me - I am their doctor, healer, taker and giver. And I paid dearl for that. I think one day I had a mini stroke. My heart is always aching. It's not over yet though....

unicorn775
Posts: 21
Joined: Sun Mar 01, 2015 9:37 pm

Re: I am paranoid... my kids with me but I am a wreck. thx C

Postby unicorn775 » Sun May 31, 2015 10:00 pm

READING all evening and will be all night. thanks to you and this forum I know a lot - I am still under the bright eye of fbss or whatever they are. mf families' ruiners. they want to fight - I will show it. We all die and we all choose our fate - God decided my fate long before I was born - I know I will fight for my kids till i have my last breath... they saw it before and they know it - I WILL DO IT!!!! my 15 yo is ready to fight for him and little ones - we are the force - we are proud to be family and we will be a family at all costs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am blessed to have mychildren - they give me strength to believe in something better

nickeroo
Posts: 12
Joined: Thu May 21, 2015 11:41 pm

Re: I am paranoid... my kids with me but I am a wreck. thx C

Postby nickeroo » Mon Jun 01, 2015 1:03 am

I know just how you feel. I had CPS at my house because of false accusations we are 99.9% sure came from angry neighbors wanting to retaliate. They came to my door, asked a few questions, came back to do an "assessment" to finish off their stuff, said we had no real case because there was barely enough for them to go on in the first place, so it was something called an "alternative track". The worker said he saw no issues and nothing to make him believe that it wasn't just out of malice and that we should get a letter at some point stating they didn't have enough to open a case.

I try to remind myself of that, and the fact I recorded the conversation, but I still think about it and worry that his supervisor will push him to come back and dig, or that he was just lying or something. He seemed honest enough, but, of course, I am still suspicious. Ever since I became a parent, my number one fear has been something like this, especially as my mother had worked for CPS at one point in time and had told me of the awful things to can do and horrible things they do. It's an unjust system ran by people who don't realize what they are doing to families and all it can take is a social worker in a bad mood one day or disagreeing with how you decide to live and the next thing you know, they are stealing your kids.

I, too, worry about any car that drives by, or about someone coming to the door (the mailman coming to deliver a package the day after the "assessment" nearly gave me a heart attack), sometimes I panic even when the phone rings. I trust no one in my neighborhood now and refuse to take my children outside and I will not talk to any of them. I have even been afraid to go to the store by myself and had put it off until the weekend so my partner could be with me. I am a very clean and organized person, but I feel like I have to start washing the dishes even before everyone is finished eating, immediately start laundry when there is enough for a load (even though nothing wasn't even mentioned about my house).

They were told I was suicidal (nope and never have been), I drink every night (I drink around the holidays, maybe wine and typically can't even finish one glass), I tell everyone I wish I had aborted my children (I am a devout Catholic and have belonged to pro-life organizations since my teens) and that I am a threat to my children. My partner and I worked hard so that I could stay home with my children, and not have to put their care and education into the hands of people who don't care about them. I have given up my career, happily I might add, so that I could be here for them any time they need me and the idea that the drug addicted, domestically violent jerks next door had the audacity to claim any of this in any way because they are getting evicted over their behavior (which is some how our fault) and to have someone show up at my door thinking that I would in any way be a threat to my children has deeply disturbed me. It makes me angry that I have been so shaken up by all of this because some people wanted to be malicious makes me angry. It makes me angry that I don't even feel safe or comfortable in my own home now and that sometimes I feel as if I can't interact with my children normally because I am so paranoid that they have someone spying on.

I have gone from being perfectly sane and functional to feeling as if I have totally lost my mind and have turned into someone who sees evil and conspiracy around every corner...

Just wanted to let you know that I know how you feel and that I hope we can both put this behind us.


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