Psychological abuse

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noroses4u2c
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Psychological abuse

Postby noroses4u2c » Wed Aug 29, 2012 4:23 pm

This evening my ex had called and had it on speaker phone. He had my daughter asking me why I had kept her from him all these years and why I lied about him.

My daughter sounded very distressed and scared. She was crying. He was being abusive.

He kept going on about how I'd kept her from him when she was a baby. I just said simply that he had visitation rights when she was a baby and did not show up. He kept going on about how 'we know you were just vindictive and kept her from me' and had her there. He was going on about how I damaged her self esteem and caused her to cry.

Ever since she's been out there they have been telling her that I am vindictive and lied about him. That does not even make sense. I am the one who left him. And, if he did nothing wrong, how could I be vindictive? Vindictive about what?

But he was having my daughter there berating me with her listening, and she was crying and scared. And I could do nothing for her. I simply stopped talking to try and get it to end, hopefully, so that maybe he'd go do something else. He is psychologically torturing my girl and no one cares. He can do nothing wrong.
My child was abducted by the government. They demanded a ransom (the case plan). I paid the ransom and my child was kept anyway. It isn't much different from stranger abduction except that the government uses its power to make the abduction legal and unpunishable.

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Eljay
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Re: Psychological abuse

Postby Eljay » Wed Aug 29, 2012 6:12 pm

Wow... that is awful. He's trying to rewrite history. :( Did you tell her to call 911 if he's abusing her?
Advice & opinions provided are no substitute for genuine legal assistance. Laws & rules vary by state/jurisdiction so do your homework and get
an education in CPS laws, rules & practices so that you can FIGHT for your children's rights. I am not a lawyer. Your mileage may vary.

----<>----<>----<>---- BREED WITH CAUTION ----<>----<>----<>----

fatherofthree
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Re: Psychological abuse

Postby fatherofthree » Thu Aug 30, 2012 5:49 pm

Hang up the phone! There was no reason to keep your daughter on if he is doing that. He was using your daughter to get to you. Any responding police officer and/or CPS case worker should tell you that as well. Even if there are court ordered phone calls required, he cannot use them to annoy or harass. In the future then let him know (if your state requires) that you will be recording any future calls. If that sort of behavior occurs again, again HANG UP THE PHONE and document it. Keep a note pad with a log. If it continues then consider modifying the court order (if there is any.) You may also consider a protective or restraining order, depending on your state. If cps is involved, notify the case worker at once. As far as proving emotional abuse, that is very difficult and one phone call isn't going to do that.
DISCLAIMER: I am not an attorney and am not providing legal advice.

noroses4u2c
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Re: Psychological abuse

Postby noroses4u2c » Thu Aug 30, 2012 6:41 pm

I was delayed in reacting because it was so triggering.

But I didn't end up engaging.

I have zero visitation rights. And CPS already knows he does this. Her therapist at CPS was doing this to her as well to break her down for him.

She sounded so scared.
My child was abducted by the government. They demanded a ransom (the case plan). I paid the ransom and my child was kept anyway. It isn't much different from stranger abduction except that the government uses its power to make the abduction legal and unpunishable.

noroses4u2c
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Re: Psychological abuse

Postby noroses4u2c » Sun May 25, 2014 7:45 pm

Just days after this last phone call, I don't recall exact date now, he had her call me to tell me she didn't want anything to do with me anymore. I haven't heard from her in almost two years now. She has not attempted to contact me.
My child was abducted by the government. They demanded a ransom (the case plan). I paid the ransom and my child was kept anyway. It isn't much different from stranger abduction except that the government uses its power to make the abduction legal and unpunishable.

brokeandangry
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Re: Psychological abuse

Postby brokeandangry » Wed Jun 11, 2014 1:57 pm

I'm so sorry noroses. I am heartbroken for you and every innocent victim of CPS abuse. I don't think we can nor will we ever understand what is wrong with these people who side with the Department of Homewrecking Services. Few social workers would ever want to work, let alone identify themselves with such a vile "agency" tasked with "reunification" of families. Families that include tiny, innocent and fragile minded children who will be scarred for their entire lives because of a lack of empathy. Very few of the few that do want to associate or those that are ignorant to the practices and injustices of such a legally immune corporation will stand tall as narcissists on Earth but their black souls will be squashed into a puddle of guilt - laden feces come retirement. I never believed in a God or supreme being but it is unfathomable to imagine no judgement will be served on those who were blatantly and knowingly evil on Earth.

noroses4u2c
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Re: Psychological abuse

Postby noroses4u2c » Thu Mar 26, 2015 2:34 pm

My daughter still wants nothing to do with me, but she has escaped from where CPS placed her. She turned 18 in June. From what I have learned, he and his wife were keeping her from leaving. They've been abusive to her and controlling her since they got her. They even let their children abuse her and would punish her if she tried to defend herself. She confided in a friend about it and her friend helped her move her stuff out when they weren't there. He went to her job after he came home and discovered she moved out and attacked her. I still haven't spoken to my daughter though. I haven't heard from her since she told me years ago she wanted nothing more to do with me. At least she is out of his place though. It likely isn't over for him though. He is really controlling. I hope she's watching her back out there.

CPS placed her with this man who is an ultra abusive person. They knew what he was but still kept singing his praises. I was powerless to stop it. I never had power to protect my own child from danger. I am so angry.
My child was abducted by the government. They demanded a ransom (the case plan). I paid the ransom and my child was kept anyway. It isn't much different from stranger abduction except that the government uses its power to make the abduction legal and unpunishable.

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LindaJM
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Re: Psychological abuse

Postby LindaJM » Fri Mar 27, 2015 4:02 pm

Have you established a Facebook page so she can find you there? Does she know she has only a short time (maybe 2 years) to sue CPS for what they've done in her life? Have you looked for her Facebook page?
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Please keep in mind that none of us are lawyers and we can't give legal advice. We are simply telling you what we would do in a similar situation. It is to your advantage to get a lawyer.

"Evil flourishes when good men do nothing." - Edmund Burke ... so try to do something to change the system ...

noroses4u2c
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Re: Psychological abuse

Postby noroses4u2c » Fri Mar 27, 2015 9:34 pm

LindaJM wrote:Have you established a Facebook page so she can find you there? Does she know she has only a short time (maybe 2 years) to sue CPS for what they've done in her life? Have you looked for her Facebook page?


Oh, this is where it is 'beautiful'. :roll: My daughter is so out there that she has all of these social workers on her Facebook page. She even has the social worker therapist that she claimed kept twisting what she said on there as her friend. It's crazy. I seriously doubt she'd ever sue them. I cannot find a rational explanation for any of it. She would even call them out on their lies but still go along with them. And at times when I still have visitation all those years ago she would be trying to tell me what they said/promised her while believing it and sometimes would admit that they lie. I was like then why are you trusting them? And it was like her mind was in a weird haze. She knew something was a lie, would admit it was a lie, but then it was like her mind would fog over and she'd be believing it anyway. I gave up trying to find a rational explanation long time ago.

She always knew how to find me. Up until recently my phone number was the same. I have the same Facebook page. I have the same email addresses, and she knew what they were. My post office box is still the same. She chose not to have me in her life.

I warned her how dangerous he was and that he would be unlikely to let her leave when she got 18. He is ultra controlling. I was scoffed and painted as a crazy person and she told them what I said about him after visitation was terminated. Then, when she turned 18 and went to college, he, just as I already predicted, wouldn't allow her to leave and she had to get someone to help her get out when he wasn't around. She still hasn't sought me out.

She ignored my message I sent her on Facebook after she turned 18 before I saw she had all of those social workers as her buddies. I wouldn't have even reached out had I seen that first. But she ignored my message and denied my friend request, so I'm done in that regards. I have to accept that she just is never coming around.

I told her before she was sent away though that she could sue as soon as she turned 18 if she wanted. I'm not sure whether or not I told her there was a deadline. She never commented on it. But the way she is right now I doubt she'd ever sue.
My child was abducted by the government. They demanded a ransom (the case plan). I paid the ransom and my child was kept anyway. It isn't much different from stranger abduction except that the government uses its power to make the abduction legal and unpunishable.

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LindaJM
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Re: Psychological abuse

Postby LindaJM » Mon Mar 30, 2015 2:42 pm

I'm so sorry it turned out this way for you. I hope your daughter will recover from her Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS) and eventually want to be in contact with you again.

I have a daughter in that condition... she never has recovered from PAS and is now 34. I can only pray for her, but haven't talked to her since she was a teenager living wither her father and his girlfriend. She never did tell me why. Her sister asked her why and she said, "I don't know."

After a while it stops hurting. At this point I think that if God doesn't answer my prayer to have her in my life it is because He is protecting me from her. I've been reading the Bible and noticed that King David had a son who turned against him and led an uprising to try to take over the kingdom. The young man's name was Absalam. Sad story; the young man was killed after a battle. I occasionally hear about other people whose children won't contact them. It is nothing new and we're not the only ones.

Anyhow, I hope your daughter will reconsider and let you back into her life.
Sample Document Library

Please keep in mind that none of us are lawyers and we can't give legal advice. We are simply telling you what we would do in a similar situation. It is to your advantage to get a lawyer.

"Evil flourishes when good men do nothing." - Edmund Burke ... so try to do something to change the system ...

noroses4u2c
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Re: Psychological abuse

Postby noroses4u2c » Mon Mar 30, 2015 5:06 pm

ty

My former family alienated her from me long before CPS got involved. I didn't even know the full extent of what they'd done until after she was already gone, but what I did know before she was taken was bad enough. The little girl that loved me died a long time ago and morphed into a mini version of my toxic, abusive family. The stuff I learned they had been telling and teaching her was beyond my imagination, and I had been imagining bad. I just wasn't ever meant to have anyone in my life that loved me. I have to accept that and move on.

She conned me during the time the case was going on and I still had visitation into thinking she wanted to come home. I learned from reading what she wrote to her friends during that time and stuff she said to other people that she never wanted me even then. She had me totally fooled right down to putting on waterworks at the right time. I got my hopes up so high during that time that she loved me after all. I was so stupid. She never wanted to come home. She was acting like she was having good time during visits just to be lying to people and telling them she was being abused during visits. Had I known the truth, I would've stopped fighting for her and just accepted it sooner. I was financially ruined fighting for her and she never even wanted me. That part hurt worse than the lies others were saying about me. She played me. She's such a two faced conniving person just like the others in my former family. I know I can never trust her again. I don't even think I could ever forgive her.

Before she was taken, she'd threaten me with CPS if I didn't let her have her way. We'd fight almost all the time. Then she'd do something nice and I'd be like maybe this time she'll go back to being the girl who loved me like she used to years before, but then she'd go right back to her usual behavior. It was hell living with her and I was miserable, but I wanted so bad to have my little girl back. I kept fighting to find her long before she was taken from me.

My family taught her to lie to me when she was little and alienated her from me, but I didn't realize at the time what was going on. I just knew she was shutting me out and pushing me away. She was only like 7/8 years old then. She'd stop listening to me and would mouth off real hateful to me. I'd confide in people and my concerns were always invalidated and I'd be told she was just going through a faze.

By the time she was 8/9 years old, when she'd be mouthing off at me she'd tell me how her uncle told her I was crazy and that she needed to not listen to me. They taught her to threaten me with CPS if I didn't do what she wanted. I knew years after it started that it was them because she'd finally start yelling about it during her tantrums.

I confided about this to Christian friends who have all since abandoned me. They'd quote scripture about forgiveness and loving family and such and tell me I needed to forgive and pray about it. I had wanted to move her and myself far away from my family, but scripture kept being quoted at me and it kept me in place to be destroyed. I'll not forgive any of them ever again. I made a huge mistake listening to scripture.

It got so bad that the year before she was taken I finally told her she couldn't go anywhere with them anymore because of her behavior and they encouraged it. Plus, my brother had picked her up without my knowledge and took her to some audition for modeling or something and acted like I was irrational for being upset about it. I told her she couldn't go anywhere with him again. She started lying to me then and would act like she was going to her friend's house and instead she'd be sneaking and meeting up with my brother and they'd go off together. I found out when I went to this friend's place to check up on her and she hadn't even been there all day. I called around and no one had seen her supposedly, so I told my dad's wife that I was calling the police. She got quiet but then said wait, that my daughter was right beside her! I was angry beyond description and I was screaming that my daughter be brought back right now. His wife lived two hours away from me! They were refusing to bring her back. Hindsight I wish I had called the police, but I was upset and called my wonderful Christian friends who were promptly quoting scripture and telling me to pray. They eventually brought her back, and I had not calmed down by then at all. I was painted as being irrational and crazy.

That's the type of stuff I dealt with for seven years before CPS took her from me and bore false witness against me. I spent those seven years trying to win her back, but my family killed our relationship. I learned over the past couple of years that from the time she was around 7/8 years old my brother not only told her she didn't need to listen to me, but he lied to her and told her I had tried to gun him down when we were kids. I never even had access to a gun when we were kids. And he told her that I had tried to kill him when he was sleeping in his bed. I'm sure he told her other lies as well. And I learned this information about stuff he's been telling people from his children, my niece and nephew. When I first saw my nephew after he'd been gone a few years he was hateful to me as my daughter had been when she first started leaving me emotionally. It was actually kind of triggering pain wise. Then he shouted out to me that his dad told him that I was crazy and that he was to never listen to me. He told me his daddy told him I had tried to kill him. It was like missing pieces of the puzzle slammed into place and I knew. Not only did I know what he did to me, but I knew that my mother had been there when he was doing it and did nothing to stop it. My mother helped alienate my daughter from me and was never sorry for it.

Then I was moving to where I am now and happened to go down in the basement of his place before moving in here. I found lots of things that had been looted from my trailer after my place had caught on fire. My mother was upset that I had found my stuff. My mother knew that my brother and his wife were looting my things and made sure it was covered up!

Then my mother had the audacity to ask me why I don't trust her.

I don't have family anymore. I hate every last one of them. Well, I don't hate my niece and nephew. I know it's not their fault. My daughter's old enough to know right from wrong though and still chose to lie about me and lie to me. I just can't ever trust her again.

My biggest regret though is not realizing how bad the situation was when it was first happening and not moving far away from them when she was little. I regret resorting to the 'forgive and pray' method. I regret trying so hard to be a Christian for all of those years. I know I'll never be a real Christian. Romans 13 and what the authorities did to me showed me that. The only way for the Bible to be the truth is for the promises that the authorities established over us won't be a terror to us apply to the real Christians. The authorities were a terror to me for years for things that never even happened. I'll never forgive that. I know God was using them to let me know He didn't want me and that I was never worth saving. It's the only way scripture is still true. And it's why so many of God's children attacked me after my daughter was taken. They joined the lynch mob bandwagon, insisting I was guilty. The authorities established over me even said I was "mentally ill" and "delusional" for having believed in God and the Bible in the first place. God established authorities over me to declare me crazy for having believed in Him. I mean if that's not a slap in the face I don't know what is. If I had known I'd not been chosen then I wouldn't have tried so hard to be a Christian and I would've moved away from them like I had wanted. I might could've saved my relationship with my daughter had I known what all was going on. I was so stupid. I can't even forgive myself for being so stupid.

It is unlikely my daughter would ever come around. It went on for far too long and the little girl she used to be is long gone.
My child was abducted by the government. They demanded a ransom (the case plan). I paid the ransom and my child was kept anyway. It isn't much different from stranger abduction except that the government uses its power to make the abduction legal and unpunishable.

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monkette31
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Re: Psychological abuse

Postby monkette31 » Mon Mar 30, 2015 10:49 pm

Miracles happen, glad to hear from you.
I'm not a lawyer but will try and help you any way i can. My postings may seem harsh but they all stem from personal experience with DCFS. I am not a victim and take responsibility for my part in my life, but I will always help ANYONE learn about the corrupt sick system.

noroses4u2c
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Re: Psychological abuse

Postby noroses4u2c » Sun Apr 05, 2015 6:54 pm

My daughter showed up today for my birthday. She wasn't warm to me. Cold as ever. Didn't want to tell me about herself. She talked a little, but not much. I was shocked to see her. felt awkward. Then she left again. Don't know where she is anymore. It feels very triggering like before when she would visit and be taken away again. I've been crying for hours. I guess at least she's still alive. I did give her my new phone number. I don't know that I'll ever hear from her though. She's going back wherever soon and doesn't want to stay with me for a real visit. I feel all messed up right now. She thought she might come back again to pick up her things though. I'm going to pack them all together and have them ready for her just in case she does.
My child was abducted by the government. They demanded a ransom (the case plan). I paid the ransom and my child was kept anyway. It isn't much different from stranger abduction except that the government uses its power to make the abduction legal and unpunishable.

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LindaJM
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Re: Psychological abuse

Postby LindaJM » Sun Apr 05, 2015 7:28 pm

What good news! That's wonderful. . . even though it was awkward and she didn't stay long. At least there's that thing in her telling her she still cares. And oh, by the way, Happy Birthday! That's about the best birthday gift a mother could have. Your daughter will probably change and be more loving as she gets older. Right now she's still very young and still very much affected by the trauma she went through and the lies she was told. That can change. I'm so happy for you!!!
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Please keep in mind that none of us are lawyers and we can't give legal advice. We are simply telling you what we would do in a similar situation. It is to your advantage to get a lawyer.

"Evil flourishes when good men do nothing." - Edmund Burke ... so try to do something to change the system ...

noroses4u2c
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Re: Psychological abuse

Postby noroses4u2c » Tue Apr 07, 2015 2:35 pm

I saw my daughter again today. She is basically homeless right now, but won't move back in with me. I don't understand why. I told her she'd be free to come and go as an adult. She wouldn't be treated as a child.

She was so badly abused where she was living that she doesn't even remember our visits together. She doesn't remember any of it, not even when we went to the movies together. It's like her mind has been wiped. She won't open up and talk to anyone about it, and if anyone asks she freezes up.
My child was abducted by the government. They demanded a ransom (the case plan). I paid the ransom and my child was kept anyway. It isn't much different from stranger abduction except that the government uses its power to make the abduction legal and unpunishable.

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LindaJM
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Re: Psychological abuse

Postby LindaJM » Tue Apr 07, 2015 10:56 pm

She knows who to turn to, who really loves her. Give her time. I hope this continues to improve. It is hard when children turn into adults... they need that independence, but have a hard time maintaining a home and employment, and becoming stable. You have to watch them suffer while respecting their autonomy. You have done the right thing in offering a home. That's all you can do. She needs to learn to trust again. I'm so excited to hear she made contact.
Sample Document Library

Please keep in mind that none of us are lawyers and we can't give legal advice. We are simply telling you what we would do in a similar situation. It is to your advantage to get a lawyer.

"Evil flourishes when good men do nothing." - Edmund Burke ... so try to do something to change the system ...

noroses4u2c
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Re: Psychological abuse

Postby noroses4u2c » Sat Apr 11, 2015 8:25 am

My daughter went back to the foster family that had her. She posted selfies on facebook. She had told me she'd add me on facebook and she instead ignored me. She gave me her email address and told me if I emailed her that she'd email me back. I emailed her and she ignored me. She's hanging out with social workers, the foster family, and her friends and ignoring me.

She led me to believe on my birthday that she'd come by and play games and hang out with me. So I went out and bought stuff for such an occasion. Then when she came by it was just to get her stuff and leave. She was so cold.

And I found out that she likely has been in the area for at least a month or two before my birthday. She was hanging out with my former family all along. Now I just wonder what her real reason was for showing up, because she sure didn't act like it was to see me. :(
My child was abducted by the government. They demanded a ransom (the case plan). I paid the ransom and my child was kept anyway. It isn't much different from stranger abduction except that the government uses its power to make the abduction legal and unpunishable.

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LindaJM
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Re: Psychological abuse

Postby LindaJM » Sat Apr 11, 2015 4:24 pm

Hmmm... you're right, it could have been just to get her things! But she arrived on your birthday, so that's something. Give her time. Her mind has probably been poisoned by those people. Eventually she'll remember who her real mother is, when the other people upset or desert her. Nobody loves her like you do. Just get on with your life and remember, she's 18 now and that means there's no way to hold onto them.

What I'd like to know is what you plan to do with the rest of your life. Anything fun, or exciting, or different? When my youngest turned 18 I decided to become an artist. Granted, my art work isn't the best quality but I love it, and love being surrounded by paintings I made.

I also decided to leave that town I was in, and it took some time, but eventually I left the state of California and moved north. My life is completely different, and I'm loving it here in Idaho.

So, do you plan to do anything different? There's nothing holding you back. I say, go out and have some fun (not with alcohol, drugs or men!!!) Just fun exploring the world or doing new things.
Sample Document Library

Please keep in mind that none of us are lawyers and we can't give legal advice. We are simply telling you what we would do in a similar situation. It is to your advantage to get a lawyer.

"Evil flourishes when good men do nothing." - Edmund Burke ... so try to do something to change the system ...

noroses4u2c
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Re: Psychological abuse

Postby noroses4u2c » Sun Apr 12, 2015 12:15 pm

I've been writing again. Planning to write a book telling about growing up in toxic family and how it affected me. Also plan on writing fiction stories.

My daughter writes too. She gets her talents from me. She seems to really hate that fact. When I brought up that I was working on a book she had that reaction she'd get when she hated what I did. Not letting it stop me, of course.
My child was abducted by the government. They demanded a ransom (the case plan). I paid the ransom and my child was kept anyway. It isn't much different from stranger abduction except that the government uses its power to make the abduction legal and unpunishable.

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LindaJM
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Re: Psychological abuse

Postby LindaJM » Sun Apr 12, 2015 9:22 pm

No, if they doubt you, prove them wrong. I'm a writer too. I love to read memoirs.

There's a place on this message board originally set up for writing. Maybe we can discuss that more there. It hasn't been posted in since last year sometime. Writing Forum
Sample Document Library

Please keep in mind that none of us are lawyers and we can't give legal advice. We are simply telling you what we would do in a similar situation. It is to your advantage to get a lawyer.

"Evil flourishes when good men do nothing." - Edmund Burke ... so try to do something to change the system ...

noroses4u2c
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Re: Psychological abuse

Postby noroses4u2c » Fri May 01, 2015 3:21 pm

Lots of confusion right now. She mostly ignores me, but twice she's had to call me up to rescue her when she couldn't get anyone else to help her. Then she hung out with me for short time afterwards. Then she left to do her own thing. She's living with my former family that had her lie on me in the first place.

I was supposedly an unfit mother, but I always made sure she had her needs taken care of when she was with me, even when we weren't getting along. Her biological father had her in his physical custody for about 2 1/2 years. She's come back with rotted teeth and all sorts of health problems. He neglected her medically even though he's middle class and makes high salary. One of the things that was praised about him was how much he made and his wonderful medical insurance and how little I made in comparison. I even went without to make sure her needs were met. He had the means to take care of her and just didn't care enough to do so. It really pisses me off.

And I learned from what she's told others that she was basically abused and neglected while she was there and the step mother/his new wife treated her like garbage. She was treated like she didn't belong.

The place she's living now is filthy. They have this puppy approaching adulthood that they haven't housebroke that basically just tears up everything and pees and poops everywhere it can. The smell hits you as soon as you open the door. My daughter is perfectly fine with the filth though. There was even poop dried and caked into rugs and she just walks on and through it and when I said something she was like "It's okay, it's dried." My place has never been like that, ever, but she'd rather live like that? I feel very insulted by that.

I feel guilty that I'm going to have to move away from her after she's back here when it's time to move, but I can't stay around here the way I've been ruined. She doesn't care either. She knows how I am treated and just doesn't care.

I asked her to help me get this stuff expunged, because if she would admit that it was lies then I'd have a chance. She doesn't care enough to do that though. I kind of knew before I asked though that she wouldn't.

She treats me the way she did before she was taken. She's secretive, manipulative, and lies to my face. She's still the same person she was before. She has no remorse at all. I'm really sad about all of that. I kind of hoped a little that going through all of that in his family would've made her reconsider her coldness towards me. My family totally ruined the little girl she used to be that loved me. I kind of feel like a part of me died.

She had lied to me and hid the fact she was staying with my former family for as long as she could. She even hid that she had a job for as long as she could. We can never have a future relationship if it's built on lies.
My child was abducted by the government. They demanded a ransom (the case plan). I paid the ransom and my child was kept anyway. It isn't much different from stranger abduction except that the government uses its power to make the abduction legal and unpunishable.

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LindaJM
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Re: Psychological abuse

Postby LindaJM » Mon May 04, 2015 10:27 pm

She's an adult now and has to learn from the consequences of her choices. I hope you will leave town and build a happier life for yourself elsewhere.

Don't let those people hold you down. They might like to think of you as helpless, but leaving will show them you're not finished with life. Make new and better friends elsewhere.

With family like that, who needs enemies? I cringe every time I hear about mothers turning their adult children in to CPS, especially when they're trying to get control over their grandchildren that way.

Your daughter may become a best friend eventually, but if you stay there begging for her attention it is like you're giving her the power to break your heart. Take back the power. It will be much better if you move on and let her come find you when she's mature enough to appreciate all you've done for her.

Sometimes we just have to stand out of the way and let people turn on each other. There's no doubt that if you stay away from the situation, eventually something will happen where these people will fight among themselves instead of ganging up on you.
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Please keep in mind that none of us are lawyers and we can't give legal advice. We are simply telling you what we would do in a similar situation. It is to your advantage to get a lawyer.

"Evil flourishes when good men do nothing." - Edmund Burke ... so try to do something to change the system ...

noroses4u2c
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Joined: Wed Jan 26, 2011 11:57 am

Re: Psychological abuse

Postby noroses4u2c » Mon Aug 10, 2015 8:42 pm

My daughter has come into conflict with her landlord because she's been helping her neighbors who the landlord was trying to evict. The neighbors weren't paying their rent and the husband was arrested for DV.

My daughter has been keeping things from me and has clung to these people. The woman informed me she considered my daughter to be hers now and other outlandish things along those lines. I didn't know what all was going on at the time. The woman made excuses for her husband's behavior. Their children were taken by CPS and placed with relatives.

The woman informed me that she, her husband, and my daughter were all getting a place together.

I have been researching these people. They've both been in and out of jail for several years now. Last year they were arrested for forgery, insurance fraud, and drugs. I informed my daughter about it, and she was mad at me for "investigating her friends." She's okay with hanging out with criminal element I suppose.

The landlord was cleaning out their place and found lots of drug needles. The woman told my daughter that someone had broke into her place and planted them there. My daughter believed her and was defending her. Now that my daughter knows the woman has a history of drugs, instead of being upset that the woman has been lying to her, she's still making excuses and defending her "friend." The truth means absolutely nothing to my daughter.

If she goes out riding around with them again when they get pulled over again with that stuff then she could get arrested herself and lose her job. She doesn't care. She's mad at me for bringing it up.

The woman currently has 2 recent criminal cases against her and her husband has 4. The woman is about 30 and the man is about 31 I think.

I've finally got my daughter to agree to move to a cheaper place (she's been deliberately overdrawing her bank account every month to pay her bills) in hopes she'll start budgeting her money better. I'm concerned though that she will just keep in contact with these people.
My child was abducted by the government. They demanded a ransom (the case plan). I paid the ransom and my child was kept anyway. It isn't much different from stranger abduction except that the government uses its power to make the abduction legal and unpunishable.

*Lady Liberty
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Joined: Fri Jul 10, 2015 4:53 pm

Re: Psychological abuse

Postby *Lady Liberty » Tue Aug 11, 2015 12:06 am

I wanted to say three things, one the Bible says God is good. God does not do mean things to people, the devil does. What got me through the first time and what actually made me come to salvation was the Book of Job. I think we all can relate to it.

Secondly, I had cut my mother out of my life several times. The last time was for 6 years, I had no contact with her and I had committed to not speaking with her until her death. We did have a strained relationship, at best. In the past few years we have slowly began to build a new relationship. I never thought I would like my mother, let alone tell her I love her ever again. We have gotten close over the past year and there are good things that I remember, the bad not so prevalent. As I have had my own kids I see my mother in a different perspective. I see her as an individual, a person, with her own past, her own trials, her own passions. Before I had only viewed her as a mother, and my idea of what a mother should be. The pain she had caused was not because I was not a good person or undeserving; the pain she caused was an outward reflection of the pain she was dealing with. Once I could understand that and detach instead of internalizing that I could process a lot better instead of it churning inside of me.

Your daughter went through a brainwashing and then was programmed through CPS. The abuse she has suffered from her father and his girlfriend literally changes the patterns in the brain. It will take time and training to re-construct. Not only did the abuse happen, if CPS ignored it, they stole her sense of reality by denying it existed. In addition trauma victims suffer a permanent flight or fight stance, which releases high rates of chemicals and endorphins into the body and brain. This will create a disruption in analytical thinking and reasoning. She is in a literal fog as you stated before.

Unfortunately, this is your daughter's walk now. The healing is up to her. The hardest part of parenting, that I have experienced thus far is letting go. The unknown.

She is an adult, maybe a child in an adult body, but none-the-less as an adult and the quickest way to get to maturity and recovery is accountability. There are a lot of what-ifs; what if she's arrested, what if she is used, what-if.... As an adult she will have to formulate a solution when she gets there.

One of the greatest things my friend who is much older than me and raised his three boys told me was that as they become adults stop mothering them, stop being the therapist, stop protecting them, just be. Be their friend. This is the time you get to be. I had the opportunity to put that to the test when my 18 year old daughter told me that she was going to go to a concert.... that might have drugs circulating. I first did what mom's do, look at the what ifs, and start to problem solve before the problem. Then when she shut down and stopped listening to me, "Mom! I am not a kid! I can't be afraid of life!" and other things that 18 year old kids say. I realized, I had to breathe and take another approach. I said, "Look don't listen to me as mom, listen to me as I've been there. I can only tell you as a friend and you make the decision that is best for you." She listened. She called me later and said, "I'm not going." WHEW!!! I thought! That changed the dynamic of how I saw her and how I communicate with her. I cringe at some of the things she says and does, but I know if I got through it, she can get through it. Sometimes my only answer is, well "I trust you to know what is best for you. Let me know how it goes."

Maybe, if you try and be her friend she will receive you differently. It might even help her to build the confidence she needs to find the help she needs.

It may not work, but she then knows that the reason is on her and not on you.

Lastly, you deserve to live for you.

noroses4u2c
Posts: 877
Joined: Wed Jan 26, 2011 11:57 am

Re: Psychological abuse

Postby noroses4u2c » Sat Aug 15, 2015 12:03 pm

My daughter pretended to come to her senses about these felons. I learned last night though that she's planning on moving out of state with them. She's just using me as free labor to move her stuff out of her place. She's been telling her friends online what her real intentions are and it got back to me without her knowing about it.

I'd been chasing my daughter's heart since she was 8 years old and my family started alienating her from me. That's 11 years. I can't take it anymore. I just don't have a daughter anymore and haven't for some time. There's no way to melt away the contempt she has had for me since she was little. It's just all too late now.

She was a fine little actress while I was fighting for her and I fell for it. I'm not falling for it again. The whole time I was fighting for her she was pretending to want to come home to me while telling more lies about me behind my back. I found out all of that too over these past weeks. I can't take her anymore.

I regret fighting for her now. I ended up homeless because I fought for her. I had savings that I blew on lawyers and legal fees. I could've moved away and bought myself a foreclosure home and restarted my life without her. But I believed her lies back then that she wanted to come home to me. I suffered tremendously because I believed lies. I'm so stupid. It won't happen again. I am so ashamed to have been so stupid. She was so good at pulling out the waterworks though. I'd see her crying and it pulled at my heartstrings.
My child was abducted by the government. They demanded a ransom (the case plan). I paid the ransom and my child was kept anyway. It isn't much different from stranger abduction except that the government uses its power to make the abduction legal and unpunishable.


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