Situation in Oklahoma

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sing.a
Posts: 7
Joined: Thu Dec 15, 2016 7:33 am

Situation in Oklahoma

Postby sing.a » Fri Dec 16, 2016 7:26 am

I would first like to state that I am the step-mother of the child in question, I am writing this on behalf of my husband and I. We live in the state of Oklahoma.

Husband and his ex-wife have legal joint custody of my step-son (9yo), half and half. Not every other weekend, half and half. Last year ex-wife moved out of our town/county to a city over 100 miles away, and step-son was left in our care for 9 months, the majority of the school year, and half of the summer when the initial agreement was every other week. This is not a complaint about him living with us for 9 months, it is a statement of facts about what occured. He went from being a problematic child while in joint care, to leveling out significantly while under our exclusive care. His birth mother decided it was "her turn" again during the middle of this previous summer, and that she would be taking him to this new city, away from the town he had spent his entire life in, and enroll him in school there for the school year.
Fast Forward: Step-Son was home for a weekend visit, he was climbing trees with my nephews and younger sister, and according to the children he was climbing too high, grabbed a dead limb, it snapped, and he fell from the tree, landing on his wrist. My sister-in-law, who is also my neighbor, heard the ruckus, and brought step-son up to our house to report the incident. That makes 4 witnesses, for the record. We inspected his wrist, there was no bruising, no swelling, he could still rotate his wrist and move his fingers, so we put an ice-pack on his wrist and had him sit on the couch and wait it out. 20 minutes later he asked me if he could go back outside and play. He ask me if his wrist felt better, he said yes, so I told him yes he could. AND HE DID. And the following day, he played his video games on his Xbox the majority of the day. Which requires him to hold a control and press buttons and toggles. After that, although he said he felt sore, we had absolutely no reason to believe that he was anything other than just that- sore.
His mother picks him up from our home the next day, we had already informed her of the incident the day it occurred, everybody was in the loop. She reports he acted as though it was sore at her home, but not to the extend that anybody would suspect it was injured to any further extent.
Fast Forward: Another day passes, his mother sends a text message to report that she took him to the doctor to get an x-ray performed due to him waking up in pain from sleeping with his arm behind his back and step-son's wrist was in fact fractured. Obviously, we all felt awful that none of us had taken him to see the doctor sooner, but until that time he had not shown any signs of being in any extensive PAIN, we all assumed that it was just sore and would get better in a few days.
Fast Forward a week: We get a frantic call from step-son's mother at roughly 11:00 p.m. on November 22nd that CPS had come and taken all of her children away. Apparently step-son had missed several days of school from being infected with scabies, step-mom had doctor's notes to excuse those absences, and had missed several other days that she claims she has documented as well. The school reported her to DHS after seeing his wrist in a cast and after his absences, and a CPS worker interviewed him at school. This is where everything is all hear-say and we simply do not know the truth, but we informed as follows:
Step-son accused his mother of using heroin, described in detail how she used needles to shoot up heroin, and accused her of getting drunk and getting violent with her boyfriend. CPS investigated her, told her not to contact us about what was going on, then they came and took all of the children from her home. It wasn't until after they were taken and placed in emergency custody that she called us. We asked her why were we not informed, and why was step-son not placed back in OUR care. She said step-son also said that his father had gotten drunk and broken his wrist.
We had a false allegation right there, and we had witnesses to prove it. Although it hurt my husband's feelings very badly to think that his son would make up a story like that about him, we felt and currently still feel like there is more to this story.
The very next day, November 23rd, a caseworker from our county showed up at our home while my husband was at work. As I did not know much about my rights or the law, and knowing we had nothing hide, I let her in. I let her explore my home, which is always clean and tidy, explore the children's rooms, they have their own rooms which were also tidy, she updated me a little bit but could offer full disclosure since I was not a biological parent, I let her speak with my daughter, I picked up my husband from work early, then she interviewed us separately and together. She told us the allegations that step-son had supposedly made against my husband. Both of which were apalling, one that he "had gotten drunk and broke his arm", another that "he held a knife to step-mother's throat and threatened to hurt her daughter if she told anybody". After investigation, inspecting the children, talking to my daughter, and even talking to my ex-husband, she decided she had enough information and said she was filing her report as unsubstantiated. She then called my sister-in-law to inquire about the incident, and she confirmed what happened. Before she left we gave her a list of witnesses and references. She told us we has court November 28th, and that was the last we heard from her.
Fast Forward to court date: I was not allowed in the courtroom during the first hearing for some reason, but apparently they mostly just went over what evidence they had found against step-son's mother. The judge said at that time, had he had the report from the caseworker in our county at that time, he would have given custody back to my husband right then and there, but he didn't so he couldn't. Judge offered to do a trial right then and there, but realized he didn't have sufficient paperwork to do so. They were given their next court date and dismissed. That is when we were approached by the caseworker in that county, we spoke briefly and asked her about the allegations against my husband, she said that step-son had never made those allegations. So at that point, we were baffled. She claimed that step-son only reported that husband was "drunk while it happened". Which was also untrue, he was cooking dinner, but I digress. She said should would be looking into things and to call her to set up visitatiin with step-son.That is the only contact we ever had with that woman, at that time we also gave her a backback to give to step-son with some winter clothing in it, as the temperature had dropped dramatically in the last week. We were told our following court date was scheduled for December 8th, and we never heard from another case worker, and they never returned our calls.
Court date #2, December 8th: We were very upset upon arrival, because the caseworker never returned our calls or attempted to contact us regarding step-son. I was allowed to go into the court room this time, the judge basically went over our names, employment, addresses, and honestly not much about the case. My youngest (infant) son began crying, so my husband asked me to take him outside of the courtroom. Minutes later, they were released. Not much was said. A new caseworker approached us, got my husband's phone number, gave us some information on an evaluation she would be doing with us. Then we were approached by the supervisor of the first caseworker, with her following behind not saying a word. We asked why she never returned our calls or contacted us. The supervisor spoke for her, claiming that step-son "became physically ill when visitation was discussed and was terrified of his parents". That threw us all for a loop, and none of us could understand why he would say that. Step-son's mother brought up that step-son had thrown a temper tantrum at her house before, and when she got onto him he said "I hate you, I want a new family". She made him call my husband when that happened and to have him go pick him up, but then step-son calmed down afterwards. She then informed us of an incident she had not previously told us about where he was again throwing a temper tantrum, she said he better stop or she would 'whoop his butt', then he told her "I'm going to tell them you're threatening me".
*****Step-son son had been recieving counseling while he lived in our town for his 'impulse disorder'. He knows right from wrong, but when it comes to stealing or telling lies to get what he wants he 'can't help it', this counseling ceased when he moved away with his mother*****
That concluded that court date, we were given a follow up scheduled for January 5th and appointed an attorney.
This passed Sunday we recieved a phone call from the new caseworker and step-son to schedule visitation and a family assessment for this coming sunday. Tuesday we recieved a letter of notice in the mail from the first caseworker that her findings on the abuse allegations were substantiated. Which doesn't make sense because she never interviewed us or did any investigation of us, and the caseworker from our county had already expressed her lack of concern regarding our household, so that letter blind sidedicated us. We are filing for an appeal, bringing it up with the new caseworker on Sunday, and we have tried to contact our court appointed attorney everyday, but he does not respond. I have written up a letter as suggested on this site, and I will be mailing a physical copy to him as well as e-mailing him an electronic copy, and enclosing a list of witnesses, contacts, and references including his former therapist, teacher, and principal from last year as well. It appears until I get his attention, it is up to me to do all of the research and leg work. If we don't hear from him before our next court date, we will fire him and request to be appointed a new attorney to represent us.

That is where everything stands as of right now. If anybody can can offer any insight, it would be greatly appreciated. In the mean time, I am keeping all correspondences documented, will be recording all meetings on my phone, and and keeping a written log of everything I can possibly think of, as well as having all witnesses, my family members, and my friends write us hand-written, signed letters on our behalf.

finallyfree
Posts: 29
Joined: Thu Oct 08, 2015 10:49 am

Re: Situation in Oklahoma

Postby finallyfree » Fri Dec 16, 2016 10:48 am

First let me say that I am sorry you and your husband are going through this. I'm sure that the two of you have been devastated by this and are likely in a state of shock.

However, now that your step son has been placed in protective custody, I would think that the first thing you would want to do is to get him out of PC and in the custody of a trusted family member (grandmother, aunt, etc.) or possibly a close family friend. Once you know he is in a safe place you can then proceed to clear this issue up with CPS, which I hate to say, but could take some time.

this site has a lot of information on how to help you organize and prepare. There is nothing that can be done about what has already happened. You need to focus on what needs done from this point forward.

There are lots of specifics to plan out but try your best to mentally prepare yourself as this can get difficult for all involved. I have been through something similar and I can tell you first hand that it took all I had physically, mentally and spiritually to get through it. But I did and was able to get my son back. You will get your step son back. You need to say that to yourself as often as needed to maintain your focus. He needs you. I liked to keep telling myself "they don't know who their f'ing with", and that helped me. Everyone is different. Stay connected to this site and post often. There are some very good people here. Take care and my thoughts and prayers are with you and your step son.

sing.a
Posts: 7
Joined: Thu Dec 15, 2016 7:33 am

Re: Situation in Oklahoma

Postby sing.a » Fri Dec 16, 2016 12:50 pm

Thank you for your reply. We are currently in the process of trying to get him moved back into our county with his 3rd grade teacher from last year, who volunteered to foster him until this matter is dealt with. He was taken from his mother's custody and placed in foster care before we were ever contacted, so there was no opportunity for us to put up a fight in that regard. We are now currently battling these findings, as they are false and my husband is a good man who does not deserve to have the word 'abuse' tied to his name in any manner.

We are doing what we can to either get my step-son back, or at the very least get him back down here close to home with people who know him, love him, care about him, and understand his needs
I am also concerned that what they are doing with my step-son and attempting to do to my husband impact our other children as well, so not putting up a fight is not an option.

User avatar
KDus
Posts: 161
Joined: Sun Nov 21, 2010 8:00 pm
Location: Kansas City

Re: Situation in Oklahoma

Postby KDus » Mon Dec 19, 2016 12:24 pm

My experience was similar, with step kids and my own bio kids, taken for their cousin's untreated injury while in our care.
Here's what I wish I knew:

1. The truth is irrelevant, for now.

2. They don't have to follow the rules, or law, or be truthful; you do.

2. This will take far longer than you can imagine. You are the only party in a hurry. Nobody else is emotionally involved and they are numb to the harm and reality of their actions. The system has you and they have no incentive to let go.(yet) When they say "just a few days", "a couple weeks" and such, they are lying and they know it. The "18 month process" took more like 3 years because of continuances and 6 months of "family maintenance"

3. This will cost far more than you can imagine. Plan your strategy accordingly. It adds up month by month with lost work, legal bills and paying for services they require while hold the child hostage. I lost about $100k. They have bottomless pockets, you don't. They go to court daily, while you will scramble to be at court to wait all day for a 5 minute hearing or to be told they ran out of time, come back tomorrow; over and over.

4. They rarely place the child with friends or relatives. They will lie at every step of that process.

5. You are smarter than most of the other parents they deal with and the social workers, and that scares them. Don't let them know you have a strategy and put them on defense. This is war, don't give away your position.

6. You nailed it: " It appears until I get his attention, it is up to me to do all of the research and leg work. ". I doubt you will get a new attorney. He will meet with you right before hearings. Be super organized. They handle lots of cases and few parents help him out. Show him you will help him, help you. Yes, write up outlines and timelines and statements and have copies to lay out in front of him when you see him. Other parents don't do that. You will get more time and attention as he sees there is hope of winning. I went from a couple minutes, to hour long meetings at his office to plan for upcoming hearings. Other parents don't get that.

7. Don't stop living life. This will consume you. Once you have done everything you can, let yourself enjoy little things without guilt. You will have a hole in your life because of this, don't make it bigger than necessary. You don't have to be miserable all the time to be fully committed to getting the child back.


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