The pain never goes away!

[sgross]

I grew up in an orphanage and a number of foster homes myself and they stole my daghter and son from me. I loved and still do love my children more than life itself and can't make my pain go away. The tricks of this system is something you never get over, you just have to trust God to carry you through.

[monkette31]

I"m sorry to hear that. Is there any chance of finding your children? There are quite a few advocate groups out there.

[sgross]

I"m sorry to hear that. Is there any chance of finding your children? There are quite a few advocate groups out there.

Thank you for your concern. My daughter is 22 years of age now and her biological relatives on her daddy's side has her poisoned against me. The only time she'll have anything to do with me is when I eighther give money to her or spend money on her. Her daddy wouldn't have anything to do with her when she was growing up and he layed low in Alaska so no one could find him to make him pay child support. His mother was the only one he kept intouch with and of course she wouldn't let anyone know of his whereabouts. My daughter has been in about 17 foster homes since they took her at 11 years of age and she told me she has been sexually involved with boys since the age of 12. That would've never hapened with me. True-I know kids like to experiment at an early age (depending on what they've grown up around) but I would've immediately saught out help for her. So much has hapened to my family that I hardly know where to begin to talk about it all. Keeping it bottled up inside has really taken a toll on me spiritually, mentally and physically.

[Eljay]

I can't find the author to give credit, but one of my favorite quotes is something to the effect of "Forgiveness is giving up on the hope of a better yesterday."

I wish you peace. It's so hard for the caring parent to lose a child, especially at the hands of those who lie and deceive.

[sgross]

Is there someone out there that I can be of any use to? Maybe if I could be of service to others my own pain would subside. The only things that last are what you do for God by doing for others.

[LindaJM]

Hi there,

I also have a daughter with PAS - Parental Alienation Syndrome. ((NT)) She was never in foster care, but because of the CPS case twenty years ago (concerning another daughter of mine) NT lived with her father and his girlfriend from age 7 to 18. She was extremely hateful to me as a teenager (brainwashed against me by the girlfriend) and hasn't talked to me since she was about 16 or 17. She's now 31. So, I totally understand what it is like to have a PAS child. You have my sympathy.

I think if your daughter will talk to you enough to take money from you, you're doing better than me. At least that's an opening for you to be able to do something for her ... there's a little window of opportunity there.

You can't expect most 22 year olds to spend a lot of time with their parents anyway. They're too busy learning to be adults, and that takes independence. My younger daughter is about that age and I rarely see her.

May I suggest... that you write about what happened. Write it here, write a book, or whatever works for you. You're welcome to vent. You're welcome to write an article about what happened for the front page of this site. I would love that. But don't hold it in. You're surrounded by people who have been through that kind of trauma now. We understand the pain.

[sgross]

Hi there,

I also have a daughter with PAS - Parental Alienation Syndrome. ((NT)) She was never in foster care, but because of the CPS case twenty years ago (concerning another daughter of mine) NT lived with her father and his girlfriend from age 7 to 18. She was extremely hateful to me as a teenager (brainwashed against me by the girlfriend) and hasn't talked to me since she was about 16 or 17. She's now 31. So, I totally understand what it is like to have a PAS child. You have my sympathy.

I think if your daughter will talk to you enough to take money from you, you're doing better than me. At least that's an opening for you to be able to do something for her ... there's a little window of opportunity there.

You can't expect most 22 year olds to spend a lot of time with their parents anyway. They're too busy learning to be adults, and that takes independence. My younger daughter is about that age and I rarely see her.

May I suggest... that you write about what happened. Write it here, write a book, or whatever works for you. You're welcome to vent. You're welcome to write an article about what happened for the front page of this site. I would love that. But don't hold it in. You're surrounded by people who have been through that kind of trauma now. We understand the pain.

Dear Linda:

I really beleive God will reunite you with your daughters. I can tell that you are certainly a deserving mother.

[LockNessa]

Ello I'm Nessa. I'm actually in almost the same position right now w/ my soon to be 13 year old son. His fathers mother works for CPS, has poisoned him against me, & taught him to work the system so he's now w/ her. My story is a bit different because my son is emotionally and mentally disabled, in some ways, so I haven't worked in over 2 years because I was on call for him. I know the pain will never go away & know that @ this time, I'm clinically depressed. Because of all this, I'm becomin homeless and the only thing my child wants is his xbox, bed, & cat. My child has been taught that "love" is how much you can spend. I actually started cryin while readin yours because it hits so close to home.

[monkette31]

The pain that never goes away and being clinically depressed. I guess we can be whatever we want to be and I'm sure I could fit clinically depressed as well. I used to liken myself as being wounded by an arrow, so I'm walking around after being shot by an arrow. I feel for you, the insanity seems to come and go with it's own will. For me, it's very easy to slip, fall into the insanity of being a victim, probably could go on with it the rest of my life, but I am hoping this entire bullshit is one giant process I'm traveling through rather than stuck in...and maybe this part is what comes after the screaming? I really don't know.

[LockNessa]

I know what you mean.. I've gone thru this once w/ cps already. After 6 months they returned my son & told me that my child need more help than they could provide & at that time, I jump thru their hoops. This time, they didn't look into his history. They are taking everything on hearsay. Even the sheriffs that were here I watched what was going on, cause I had my blinds wide open, said there was no reason for them to remove my child. So I'm seriously in the first steps of starting a lawsuit. My public defender gave me the "Fightcps.com" website. He agrees with me yet can't really doing anything about it, since he is a "public defender" & paid by the state. He told me there was an attorney here in Tucson AZ who actually may take my case bro pono. While I'm looking for this attorney, I'm starting the process. I looked into and studied my right after last time. It's why I refused to let cps enter or my son exit my house. I only let me child leave after a judge had signed papers. At that time I opened my door, looked @ my child & let him go. Told him that "I won't fight for him this time.." since he was the one telling them I was "beating him".. He needs to learn that no one is gonna care & be there for him like me, his MOM. Cps in Tucson didn't even pull up his records from before in another city. Also, I do believe, and have friends looking into it for me, that the original cps case worker & my son's grandmother have worked together in the past. Which at that time, means there's a big conflict of interest. It's only a matter of time till I know more on how to go about getting this done. If anyone can help me, I'd really appreciate it.

Thank you & Blessed Be
Vanessa

[monkette31]

It reminds me of a case I heard on these boards here last year. A caseworker WANTED to adopt a child on her caseload or maybe it was a child in the same office, so going through her DCFS policy (depends on where you are) she saw that she COULD in fact do this, but before they would allow her to ADOPT the child, she had to switch offices in order to do so, so that's what I hear she did.

I feel bad for you because you are facing a few things certainly against you. One is the former case, I had a former case too, got them back in the home permanently at around 7 mos, then another referral a few years later regarding my special needs child, I also was not cooperative the second time...and bam, kidz been gone almost 3 years and will probably stay permanently like that. Having had a former case gives them reason to be able to do anything with your child now. I've heard from caseworkers that unless it's severe abuse, they usually give the child back the first time. The second time, they will definitely keep them LONGER but give them back if you don't give them any shit....and if it comes to a third time, they don't give them back.

The grandmother who wants custody is working in the same office as your case is in? Wow, I thought mine was bad enough, having foster caretakers working at facility with large DCFS contract. Definitely a conflict of interest, I am sure that woman is only bolstering DCF case against you. I would try and find the arizona area's DCFS policy on this subject. Their own manual might tell you what they are doing, how they are or are NOT covering themselves over this but I know how it is with people close to you who turn around and steal your children.

[sgross]

Ello I'm Nessa. I'm actually in almost the same position right now w/ my soon to be 13 year old son. His fathers mother works for CPS, has poisoned him against me, & taught him to work the system so he's now w/ her. My story is a bit different because my son is emotionally and mentally disabled, in some ways, so I haven't worked in over 2 years because I was on call for him. I know the pain will never go away & know that @ this time, I'm clinically depressed. Because of all this, I'm becomin homeless and the only thing my child wants is his xbox, bed, & cat. My child has been taught that "love" is how much you can spend. I actually started cryin while readin yours because it hits so close to home.

I really feel for you and pray God's blessings for you. Maybe if you could start putting a little money into a trust fund for your son's future. You may not be able to give him all the material things he wants but at least his grandmother couldn't deny that you want the best for him. God loves you and your son and you being his mother is something no one can take away. Have faith in God and he'll make a way.

[LockNessa]

I think I've heard of a case like that as well. Not sure where or when it was. As for the things working against me, it's only red tape to get thru. May take time, & I'm prepare to take as long as needed to get this done, yet this can be done. As I said in other post, I'll stand alone if need be, yet it's harder for them to brush a group under the carpet than 1 person. In fact I've also been talking to the Occupy Wall Street & they are willing to help in anyway possible. This is one of the things they are fighting against. Because of CPS many parents have lost jobs, homes, & so much more. The help is out there, yet it's finding it and going about fighting these people, our government, in a legal fashion. Use their systems against them. There's loop holes in all laws. Just gotta take the time to find them and how they can be used.

[sgross]

The pain that never goes away and being clinically depressed. I guess we can be whatever we want to be and I'm sure I could fit clinically depressed as well. I used to liken myself as being wounded by an arrow, so I'm walking around after being shot by an arrow. I feel for you, the insanity seems to come and go with it's own will. For me, it's very easy to slip, fall into the insanity of being a victim, probably could go on with it the rest of my life, but I am hoping this entire bullshit is one giant process I'm traveling through rather than stuck in...and maybe this part is what comes after the screaming? I really don't know.

You didn't answer my email. I don't know if maybe you just have too much going on or what. I went to my doctor and he renewed the medicine that I needed and I recieved a brand new nebulizer and will soon recieve a brand new oxichen concentrator. I feel like a new woman now. The CPS here is alot better than the ones I read about over the internet. Though far from perfect, I'd like to raise money to adjust the care the children recieve. Theresa Martenez, The lady over the CPS department in Lufkin, has assured me that my daughtor is doing well. That really put my mind at ease. I love my children more than words can say, but I'm appreciative to the government being there for my family. I'd like to raise money to make big improvements in the system, not end it.

[monkette31]

yep, that's called child reform and I'm all for it. I'm not sure I saw your email, I'll go look for it....

[sgross]

yep, that's called child reform and I'm all for it. I'm not sure I saw your email, I'll go look for it....

I followed the CPS rules on my two youngest children. I didn't spank them I would give them time out. I eventually had to hold them in the corner. They'd come out hitting, kicking, spittingon me and laughing at me. I don't know how many times that landed me in the hospital. I'm trusting the good Lord now to protect my children because I now realize that I'm only one person and so weak in my own strength. My safe haven rests in the God who created me.

[sgross]

yep, that's called child reform and I'm all for it. I'm not sure I saw your email, I'll go look for it....

I followed the CPS rules on my two youngest children. I didn't spank them I would give them time out. I eventually had to hold them in the corner. They'd come out hitting, kicking, spittingon me and laughing at me. I don't know how many times that landed me in the hospital. I'm trusting the good Lord now to protect my children because I now realize that I'm only one person and so weak in my own strength. My safe haven rests in the God who created me.

I'm determined to make this pain go away. If the CPS would not have been at my heels all the time I would've spanked my children every time they needede it and they would love me for it. I'm convenced of that. They grew up way too spoiled. I have the second half of my life to live and I'm taking advantage of it. I'm going back to school and making a good future for myself and I'll always think of my children first and everything I own will be willed to them, but I'm through letting them keep me down. I only pray that God will judge my pure at heart in the way I raised them. I know I made some wrong choices but their best interest was always in my heart. A friend of mine said God gave me them and now it's time to give them to Him, which they always were His, but I think she just meant for me to quit beating myself over the head cause of the way they treat me right now. I have to beleive time will put my family back together again.

[monkette31]

that's good for you., you should come to our protests when we have them.

[sgross]

that's good for you., you should come to our protests when we have them.

The main thing I feel lead from God to protest against right now is all the drugs that are poked down the these children. My computer had a really bad virus and nearly crashed so I lost a long span of emails. Sorry if I lost any from you.When and where is the next protest?

[monkette31]

I think they're in September, but feel free to protest any time. If I'm near, I'll try to be there.

I once saw this guy with a child seat strapped to his chest and a a megaphone with signs just screaming about dcfs in front of the Northridge office. It was nice to go over and talk to him and tell him about the online world. Anything that can raise awareness about cps monstrosities is great. I'll get back to you on this in a few days, are you also on facebook?

[sgross]

I think they're in September, but feel free to protest any time. If I'm near, I'll try to be there.

I once saw this guy with a child seat strapped to his chest and a a megaphone with signs just screaming about dcfs in front of the Northridge office. It was nice to go over and talk to him and tell him about the online world. Anything that can raise awareness about cps monstrosities is great. I'll get back to you on this in a few days, are you also on facebook?

Hi - My name is Crystal. I'm Shirley's daughter. I grew up in CPS and I would like to say what everyone is doing is cool. I hate for a another child to go through what I went through but I have to say not all of them are bad but, yes, a lot of them was and still is. there is so much I would like to get off my chest. Would it be ok if I protest with yall????

[sgross]

I think they're in September, but feel free to protest any time. If I'm near, I'll try to be there.

I once saw this guy with a child seat strapped to his chest and a a megaphone with signs just screaming about dcfs in front of the Northridge office. It was nice to go over and talk to him and tell him about the online world. Anything that can raise awareness about cps monstrosities is great. I'll get back to you on this in a few days, are you also on facebook?

Hi - My name is Crystal. I'm Shirley's daughter. I grew up in CPS and I would like to say what everyone is doing is cool. I hate for a another child to go through what I went through but I have to say not all of them are bad but, yes, a lot of them was and still is. there is so much I would like to get off my chest. Would it be ok if I protest with yall????

Dearest Crystal:

Thank God for CPS & APS. At least the department looking over you!

[monkette31]

I'm confused. WHAT?... , oh well.

[Eljay]

Thank God for CPS & APS. At least the department looking over you!

Really?????? After you say this about what they allowed to happen to your daughter???????

My daughter has been in about 17 foster homes since they took her at 11 years of age and she told me she has been sexually involved with boys since the age of 12. That would've never hapened with me.

What the heck?????

[sgross]

I don't know how to say it but even though there are things about the system that aren't right at least they're protecting her now. That's much better than I had it in Louisiana when I was put out on the streets at age 16 with no one training in life. At least they do their best to educate the children and my daughter is alot better off than I was. She goes to church now and our relationship has grown and she is thinking it through before she trusts men. She has a long chain of friends in the system that give her safety, love hope and a whole lot of love. Things usually don't turn out the way you plan them to but if you keep intouch with God, he'll always be there for you. Sometimes you may not see the end of the long dark tunnel but you will get through it if you hold on to your faith in the Lord. God bless