newcomer Need advice

[azblues33]

Hello my name is Kim, I need some advice. CPS unfortunatley came into my life because the mistake I made when I had my daughter. I believe its to late for me and my 3girls but I have to try. 20 months ago I had my daughter avery and tested positive for drugs and how could I do this. After having her I did everything they wanted for the first 3 months then things changed I became very depressed things got hard and I became using again, when she was 6 months I was told I had to leave my house and my children. I had no where to go, no job, no family I lost everything. Tomake this short the next 1 1/2 I fell deeper and deeper trying to kill myself using more drugs.I was staying with my boyfriend and I became mean uncontrollable and most of tge time wouldnt leave my bedroom. For some reason I could not pull myself out of my depression that I caused. Even though my girls are with family they were all split up and two of them I haven't seen in a year. This was all my fault and I don't need pity but advice is there any thing I can do before they get adopted. I hate myself everyday for not trying harder but if there is anything I can do I have to try. Please any advice

[LindaJM]

Kim, so sorry you have fallen into the pit of drug use... that's so common in our society especially when we don't have a good guidance system in place to help us avoid that snare.

Please forgive yourself.. it is good to be humble, but at some point you have to stop beating yourself up and falling further into the pit. Please be merciful to yourself... get stable, an education, income, and prosper in this life. Climb out of that pit!!!

Well, as to getting your kids back at this point.... I don't know if it will work, but while you still have a window of opportunity, it is good that you'll give it another try.

I'm guessing you haven't been through a TPR hearing yet. Is that right?

If not... try this. You should have received a "service plan" or "reunification plan" when you went to court. Have you done everything on that plan? Check it over and try to do anything that's left undone.... and document this in your case notebook, and with paperwork you could show to the court, if you can get anything like that proving you did the services requested.

Please read what I wrote about depression and TPR parents.

Write back... I'd like to stay in touch with you while you're going through this.

[Jessie's Aunt]

If you have had your parental rights terminated and the children are being adopted by your relative(s), you may still have a relationship with them if you get yourself straight and sincerely and honestly make your case for continuing contact. I would have given my daughter's birthmother (my niece) as much contact as she wished, if only she had had a sincere desire to be a good role model and a dependable part of our lives. Unfortunately, she never did clean up her act. After a few supervised visits on our daughter's birthday and at Christmas, she just vanished from our lives. Except for emails announcing the birth of her new baby, we haven't seen or heard from her in more than two years and we are resigned to accept her as permanently absent from the family. This has been really hard on us because we entered into this adoption believing we were helping my niece keep her daughter in the family.

[monkette31]

Yes, there's lots you can do. The best amends you can do right now for yourself and your children is to stop using drugs. THINGS WILL GET BETTER...you sound like you're beating yourself up pretty good and that is good and bad, mostly bad, because you need people that love you right now and will support you getting yourself together. I want you to know you are not alone, this happens consistently to people all over, in every state, they lose their children.....AND we are getting by and through it with help from each other. I mean who else can you talk to about it all?, certainly not many who haven't been through this crap themselves.

One day your children will come looking for you and want to know who you are and what you've been doing all your life without them. Fill these next years, after you get yourself together (for me it took a bit...) with living whatever life you can so that when they come to you and see you, they will know that their mother always loved them, was ALWAYS thinking of them and was NOT AT ALL what people said you were. It is hard to live without your children. Most of the people on the board are doing it though. I am glad your kids ended up with family.

If you get clean and sober, your family, after a few years of seeing that, will most likely come around. Get clean and sober. The person who has two of my children is some 30 year heroin addict who got clean and now fosters children. Not that is your goal or anything but I've seen people get clean and sober and their lives change DRAMATICALLY....and remember spirituality doesn't exist in the "program" or in those "rooms". It's within the people like you and I. Use the program and the 12 steps if you have to but don't let them use you either. I am not in the program, have had lots of experience there and just wanted to let you know that there's life beyond that crap once you get yourself clean.