I stood up for myself and lost-still keep hope

[apex3773]

Hello,

I guess it makes me feel better to express everything on a site where people actually understand what I am saying. I lived in a trailer in the middle of the NC national state park. I had a job at first. Full time, making more than 3 dollars an hour more than my kids dad. I had gotten 2 raises and 2 promotions in less than 6 months of being there however my schedule was 'inconvenient' for his minimum wage early morning job because he had to stay up to late with the kids and got tired. Long story short our car got repossessed and we fell behind on our rent because we could not afford all our bills because I kept calling out of work because the 'kids were sick' or 'I had food poisoning'. I always came to work bruised up. No one believed the real reasons I was out and I think that was why I stayed employed so long not to mentioned I worked so hard while I was there.

Finally it got to the point where I was not allowed to except rides from people so I jumped on A bicycle(I have at least 5 herniated discs by the way) and did the ride ten miles each way just to keep my job because I carried the health insurance for my kids and knew his would not cover what they needed. It was not until my fifth time getting run and hit by a car(this time badly enough to be really bruised up since I had to ride in the dark a lot) that he finally agreed I could accept help from people for rides to and from work. He started to get controlling to the point where he just wanted me to hang in the house with the kids and not talk to the neighbors, saying they were bad people and I would be a bad person if I hung out with them(this also included my sister who lived the next town over, she wasn't even allowed to hang out with her nieces.) He started to make me believe I was a bad person that mad bad decisions and I was unworthy of other people and that I was also a bad parent as well even though I had my whole schedule all day around activities for my kids.

Finally I he told me to take a mental leave of absence because he just could handle my schedule. So I put in for one and was approved. My work knew that was not right. They always suspected something was wrong. One of my managers was like a best friend to me. He stopped by in the middle of the day one day to check in on me because everyone was worried. He saw the environment, the way I was cared for and the lack of things in the house that were needed and was speechless(since then he told me that he went home and cried). I was not supposed to have friends, especially over the house so from that day forward he would sneak bags of food and essentials and drop them into the backyard for us out of the kindness of his heart. I have no idea how I would have made it through without that support.

The only great part was that me and my girls had all day, everyday together and we made the most of it. We would have our routines everyday and make the most of them. I had preschool binders(their dad wouldn't let me put them in classes).We would do adventures walks and see who could find the most of one color or one shape and then have a picnic. It was great. They were the greatest part of my day and my whole day. Until it was time for daddy to get home, then we would have to stress, clean and make everything perfect.

I got hit by an 18 wheeler while riding in an 88 honda at 70miles an hour in January of this year(I already had a bad back). I got a lot of nerve damage and my pain level went up quite a bit. They raised my pain medicine. I didn't really need them to raise it as much as they did, I handle pain well. However the father of my kids(he was always fond of my pain medicine) decided it was the best decision ever. Every refill he felt entitled to more than half. I was terrified of him. I gave him whatever he wanted. Since I wasn't allowed to talk to anyone no one knew.

Things started to get extremely physically, then it got physical in front of one of the kids. I drew the line and stood up for myself. He accused me of being the bad person. I lost my house, my kids, my credibility, my whole life. And since he decided he needed someone to stand behind him, he all of a sudden started to let all the people he blocked from the kids lives(like my sister) start to see them in exchange for them to turn against me as well. The only one I have that saw all this is the one best friend I have, the manager that helped me get through it all. And now they want to give me an ultimatum on that as well. Dont talk to him either.

The one thing this taught me was the system doesn't work. If you are getting beaten in a trailer in the woods, stay there or you will lose everything. But you know what, i just cant except that. there has got to be a better way and maybe I can find it here because I haven''t been able to find it yet and now i am down to 2 weeks left before the case is closed and i am left behind.

Thanks for your time.

-Still hoping and positive in NC

[family_man]

What an abusive relationship you have been suffering under! I would seriously think about writing down all the things he has done to you and get an attorney to file for a protection order for you. If your case comes to the attention of CPS, this will hopefully make you look like the responsible, protective parent.

[apex3773]

It did get the attention of cps because I did get an order. However he ended up with everything including the kids. I just don't understand.