Tpr pending do I have a shot at getting kids back ever?

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Infinity
Posts: 1
Joined: Sun Nov 20, 2016 6:09 am

Tpr pending do I have a shot at getting kids back ever?

Postby Infinity » Tue Nov 29, 2016 3:22 am

I lost my two children eighteen months ago. Then ages 13 and 11 months old. They made me sign an agreement I never read n told me it was okay to do drugs as long as I didn't do them by kids. The only drug I used was weed. I was honest as they said it would help me n told them I smoked weed. I didn't do it for the high it was a natural alternative to pills for anxiety sleep disorder n such. Six months later they removed my dear children cuz there was a tiny bud on the end table it wasn't mine I didn't even see it til they did. My neighbor had come the night before and left it as she didn't want it on her n I was half asleep when she did forgot n it was there when cps came next day. The children went to Grandma the older one n uncle the youngest. I asked immedietly what I had to do to get them back. They said have clean urine clean house and attend counseling. I had alot of clothes like a bunch they were in piles in hallway and that's why they said clean house but they made it out to be filthy it wasn't not at all I'm a clean freak who buys too many clothes some say...I still smoked weed cuz they said it was fine and the agreement said I'd attend counseling I didn't see that so I didn't. Regardless I quit weed that day threw out clothes made counseling appts and thirty days later which is what I was court ordered to do those things I did they wouldn't give the kids back. At this point uncle was supervising visits and they were once a week an hour. I cannot describe how lost I was wondering.my kids I love them more then anything in this world I raised a a+ student every year since kindergarten not just a+ top of her class since she started school she got awards n trophies alot of them yearly I never would spank or yell or even raise my voice to my children n never had too they are well behaved n have great manners my daughter got the awards for excelling each year n an award for being the kindest mist caring nicest kid in her class each year since kindergarten she was in private ballet n tap by age 3 to 8 she's a band member anti drug n alcholol good good girl I volunteered at her grade school k to 5 n helped teachers n kids Ichaperoned every field trip from her grade school years I never drank I had one person stop once a week to our home for ten minutes to have me time nobody else came in unless it was my immediate family.I took them to petting zoo Disneyland fairs festivals church gatherings by my family n to all kinds of neat interesting places. I sang n danced n had movie night with them daily.I coached them to be honest living good ppl even though they already were I did all that alone no child support or father figures. I raised amazing kids n my downfall I smoked pot. Two bowls a day. I suffered from severe panic as I was a rape victim. Anyways after fighting to get my kids back for a year I went to a permanency plan hearing they didn't say much til the end they said no you will not be getting your kids back. I broke and did the stupidest thing that night I overdosed I dunno if it was purposefully I just desired sleep peace somehow n a cure for my broken soul. I was found by friend and went into coma for four days. When I realized what I did I was shell shocked again. I had been thrown to the ground n kicked by these government agencies that I literally couldn't get back up n I am sorry to my kids for that I never in my mind right would purposely take my own life or leave them, never. But inadvertantly I did n I lost all hope at regaining kids even more so then before the overdose of 90 pills n about a week later to numb my pain a pain so real n heart wrenching it eats at your very soul I started shooting up meth to stop feeling. Never before had I touched meth never had I wanted to n thought shooting was terrible. For the next year that was me shooting meth in me staring blankly at the wall with incoherent ramblings about my kids. I know that's awful but please know I live my children the very mostest in this world they are literally my whole life n being wo them hurt to bad I did what I did to get through dumb as that sounds it was what I thought was my only option. I had no support whatsoever. Over the next year I was arrested a few ti.es for meth n they took all visits with daughter away. The oldest. Even communication. They said I was inappropriate in my talk to her cuz I mentioned to her I was going on b.c. so she didn't worry about me getting pregnant n loosing another sibling to the system. Irregardless I went from being with my kids 24/7 tothem totally gone. I was allowed to see my youngest an hour supervised a week. My brother no longer supervised as he's always been mean n not nice to me n when I allowed my son the youngest to play with my cell phone at a visit when his rule was he could not play with his cell phone anyways my brother told social services he no longer wanted to supervise so they did. In August they changed the goal to adoption. In the beginning they had a parental capacity eval done. It was not good. I was flabbergasted. I exceled at being a good mom one of the few things I accomplished well in life n this agency SS hired said I should not parent. When I asked agency why it's classified. When I asked for documents explaining they said they couldn't release. They said to ask DSD. I did. Classified. Can't be given to me ask the guardian at liet em. I did. Same story. Let's see.like I said as of August 16 they changed the goal to adoption. On Sept 20th I stopped numbing myself n quit meth. I signed up for counseling. I am healthier already n it shows but I'm just trying to stay a part of their lives ATM. The agency told me that I could still change the goal from adoption to guardianship or placement if I cleaned up my act. Ive since moved to another city as my children n family left the city this took place in also. I'm in a room ATM renting but I'm getting a two bedroom so kids always have room bed n belongings at mom's no matter what. My legal charges are over n I got probation. I'm sorry this is so lengthy I'm just praying somebody can help my children n me before it's too late if I had known about the info on this site when it happened I would have my kids no that's not true cuz I did everything they wanted for a year to be told not good enough. What do they want, blood? Now they brought a trained counselor in on my oldest whom I think we maybe quarralled a handful of times.es in 13 years n they are claiming years of neglect. How? She's top of her class a wonderful kind young lady who since removal gas maintained her a + average got a job at a nursing home at 14 now 15 still working actually already training other workers n has all her earnings saved for car as she just got her temps! But she is broken I broke her by failing to protect at all costs n my son is sad n lonely like he is just going on 3. I can't do this much longer it's too much the saddness n concern overwhelms me but I can do it for my babies. But what is guardianship? Have I messed up so bad I can't get them ever again? How do you make this right for your children? How do I get to my children I love n fight for them daily...every second? Note, my brother has cut off all contact with me n is taking over like he's the parent the natural parent it's sad n creepy n I as m trying to get along with him no matter what now but all he does is say what you gonna do when they take your rights your a bad mom your a bad sister your a bad daughter n he's turned my dementia ridden mother agaisnt me. Please give me advice I can't turn my own wheels anymore n I keep making things worse but I'm stringer then ever I think ATM and willing to do b try anything. My next step was setting up an apot with worker n seeing if I can strike some sort of deal. I been honest with them cuz I'm naive that way n just an honest person by nature so somebody for my kids sske my sake my family's sake tell me what to do.

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