feel alone

Connecting with a power capable of victory even when masses of government workers and other assorted systemites are against you.

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broken5
Posts: 3
Joined: Sun Mar 06, 2011 1:58 pm

feel alone

Postby broken5 » Fri Mar 11, 2011 5:29 am

My daughter and i believe in god with all are hearts but sometimes i wonder if he listens to our prayers. So we need help cause we have court on the 28th of this month.

MaggieC

Re: feel alone

Postby MaggieC » Fri Mar 11, 2011 7:57 pm

Just reading this website, how could you ever think that you are alone?

It's hard, I know it is and I believe in God too but I also believe that God helps those who help themselves, so STAY strong and focused.

dowhatisright
Posts: 2
Joined: Fri Dec 17, 2010 11:56 am

Re: feel alone

Postby dowhatisright » Fri Apr 08, 2011 10:05 am

I hope all went well, I just wanted to say that the only reason my family is together today is because God stepped in and made it happen. The system is broken, I give it no credit for my family being let go, all the credit goes to God. He does hear, he does listen, but life is life and bad things happen. That is because of the gift of agency, and it is all part of the plan. Try to use the awful trials that happen to you to come closer to God, and remember the small comfort that got me through it all, He knows. He knows who is innocent and who is guilty, He knows all of our hearts, and in the end, the real end, He will take everything into consideration when he makes His judgments. His is the only opinion that really matters.

chrisha44
Posts: 2
Joined: Wed May 04, 2011 4:55 pm

Re: feel alone

Postby chrisha44 » Wed May 04, 2011 8:13 pm

I have a relationship with God that I am striving to improve on a daily basis. CPS took my grandson for the second time today and my spirit is broken. I can hardly breathe, I have never felt so alone, disempowered and just plain broken. I know that this will pass, I cannot wrap any thoughts around all that we went thru to bring him into this world, for the government to take him. That's what happens when we sign for a birth certificate, our children become their property, their future wage earners to pay their unbelievable debt. My heart is numb, my mind is shot and my will to continue is lower than I have ever felt before.

bgorda
Posts: 5
Joined: Wed Jul 06, 2011 9:02 pm

Re: feel alone

Postby bgorda » Thu Aug 18, 2011 3:53 pm

yall pray 4 me. i'm not feeling very good. Got a letter from CPS. If I were a thug, I'd beat somebody up right now. All I can say is, if they show up here - i'm taking it as a threat to me and mine.

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Daruma
Posts: 677
Joined: Sat Aug 28, 2010 12:34 pm

Re: feel alone

Postby Daruma » Thu Aug 18, 2011 3:59 pm

Bgorda--

Praying for you, right now.

Take heart. You're not alone.

What was in the letter?
These are my personal opinions only. They are not legal, medical, or financial advice.

bgorda
Posts: 5
Joined: Wed Jul 06, 2011 9:02 pm

Re: feel alone

Postby bgorda » Fri Aug 19, 2011 3:06 am

Daruma - due to finances, I have tried to comply with their "investigation". Provided ALL proof within 4-5 days of this all starting. Was told didn't see evidence of the charges, and would get letter telling me how to clear my name within week or so, but we set a target date for me to contact back if not received by then. Then came the wait game, ignored calls and faxes, and one lame excuse or lie after another as to why its not closed AND unfounded. I need unfounded cause I would have to take demotion in my career /and @ half salary if it were any other than "unfounded".

Wrote to the state office who is supposed to intervene when you ask if case is not handled in the 90 days. Letter says its open because I have been uncooperative in providing information; says I have refused to do a family safety plan; and they will close it "in their time" and the results will be based on my unwillingness to cooperate.

I was never offerred/asked to do any family plan of any kind. I have refused to grant open access to anything and only provided EXACTLY that which they said they needed - except open access to me and my kids health records, and our previous domestic violence. Medical - they only got access to what disproved the allegation and nothing else. As soon as I grant info on the domestic violence - they will contact my perp and we're back living on edge again. Its bad enough the activity with my name, kids name, address, private phone # etc all is flying through govt records. Anyone looking for me can do searches and get it. They dont give a damn about our safety. And obviously not the truth.

bgorda
Posts: 5
Joined: Wed Jul 06, 2011 9:02 pm

Re: feel alone

Postby bgorda » Fri Aug 19, 2011 3:44 am

The kids haven't slept all night. How do I know - cause I haven't either. Too stressed I'm so worn out with life, running, hiding, poverty, declining health, and now CPS that I can barely think straight. What makes it so bad - I discover in Feb 2011 that perp's flunkie had located our new city, and was fast closing in on where we are. To the point of having found my brother and spoken with him (though they'd never met) That's what prompted me to say "its as if they really want me dead and are trying to push me down so low I'll give up and kill myself. But if I get bad enough to do that, I'm gonna take some of them with me - so the best bet is that they stay on their side of the country and leave us alone" The therapist my kids were seeing - I trusted and took them to- trying to undo the emotional traumas of our life - is who I said it to...and is who called CPS. She didn't even have the decency to include that there was a family violence history which would have cast a different light from the beginning. I have a paper from the state attorney generals office (who knows more details) that due to family violence we do not receive child support and will not pursue it.

Though all the charges are against my kids - the complaint reads that I am very private and paranoid, won't discuss past traumas, wont discuss family, believe I have MH history, am refusing to get Mh care; AND refused to take my kids for a prescription Dr visit. Last I checked, until its actually needed to function or for safety or something - I don't HAVE to continue to subject my kids to the MH meds that's tearing down their bodies.

I have an 11yr old who is now obese, 2/3 of her hair lost, low thinking/concentration ability, fluctuating but very low thyroid function - who's been beaten, bullied, teased and everything else in school. So the emotional problems we were battling have been compounded. My other daughter, used to be straight A student - now A/b, has scored PERFECT on end of year school tests - this year tested poorly on 2, failed the other. In jeopardy of being left back - spent her summer studying. CPS pipes back in a week before the retest- and what - another failing grade. Though all teachers and tutors say she knows the material and should be getting A's on the tests. Seems now - she no longer handles stress well. Cause I as her mom and protector was stupid enough to allow Dr.s to introduce drugs into them to do what the body naturally does.

CPS claims they want to help. My budget is low so I have to plan ahead. In April 2011, I asked for help with school supplies and clothes for the new school year. In July 2011, I again asked for the help. School starts Monday -and not one uniform pants, shirt, sock, sweater, PE uniform, pencil, notebook, bookbag, etc.

Put me in jail if you want - as long as I got anything to say about it - MY KIDS WILL NOT BE MH DRUG DEPENDANT. I believe they were destined to do great things somehow - and when I'm gone, God wont' fuss at me for putting them on the drugs which stifle His plans for their brains and bodies.

My friend say a few hours ago, all we've been through - I should have lost my mind, committed suicide, or at least turned to drugs by now- and since I haven't, I am still winning the battle of life. Somehow - I don't see it that way.

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Daruma
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Joined: Sat Aug 28, 2010 12:34 pm

Re: feel alone

Postby Daruma » Fri Aug 19, 2011 7:10 am

Bgorda, I'm truly sorry to read about everything your family is going through. What crushing burdens you've endured. I wish I had the power to make it all better for you.

You will remain in my prayers.

Do you have any kind of moral support network? Family, church, support group?
These are my personal opinions only. They are not legal, medical, or financial advice.

HappeeBee
Posts: 56
Joined: Tue Jul 12, 2011 6:56 am

Re: feel alone

Postby HappeeBee » Fri Aug 19, 2011 7:31 am

We all need to pray for each other and trust in God! I have learned that he will always see you through it if your trust and lean on him! We have to remember that he is our comforter!

I try not to break down myslef. I know i hurts. I woke up at four o clock this morning crying out of my sleep because i miss my two kids. My own mother-who has had to deal with dcf and a foster once threatening to take my siblings and i from her-has turned my husband and I' life upside down. In the two months we moved to florida we lost our place to stay and our kids. and we'd only been in FL TWO MONTHS! And all of a sudden we're bad parents. It's crazy and it takes a toll on you. My husband has lost a lot of weight from the stress.

The only thing you can do is get on your hands and knees and praise and thank God for all he has done for you, what he is doing for you now, and what he will do for you in the future!

Bgorda-I will be praying for you as well. What's your name?

My mother has put our family on the prayer list at the church my godfather pastors. Definately find you a good church home! It's good to have people yo ucan trust and lean on who wont judge you.

bgorda
Posts: 5
Joined: Wed Jul 06, 2011 9:02 pm

Re: feel alone

Postby bgorda » Mon Sep 05, 2011 7:02 am

Hi all -

Piping back in for an update. We are still here, I still have my kids. A letter from the caseworker demanding I contact them within 10 days to discuss the case, and if I dont - they will close the case unable to determine due to my unwillingness to cooperate; AND if a future case is opened, they will go in for the kill. Not the actual wording but basically - do as we say, when we say, or we will close now cause you are right, it is a bad case: but we'll conjure up some crap and take the kids from you.


So..yeah, I'm down, can't think straight. But...it is what it is. Tried to focus on the kids getting straight in school, routine seems to be closer than it was on day 1 of school - there's a light. Had even joined a dance group and we are performing next week - another light. Suddenly - Sat (after Friday's letter) - can't remember most of the steps. Can't let the group down cause my absence will alter the routine....So....how do I get my brain to give CPS crap the 2 hrs it deserves on Tuesday, then re direct it to the dance routine this weekend? Who knows.

In answering your questions: I dont really have a full support system. The ones that know, basically have determined you have nothing to hide - so just give them what they want, comply with whatever they say and it will all be over. Life has shown me - being right and playing the game for the truth to come out in the end - DOES NOT WORK. And we are screwed even more, left to live a further diminished life when "whomever" gets done doing whatever they are doing. They say - I'm just being paranoid and mistrustful. I say, I'm responding to my experiences. My family has 3 sides. 1 side, the one i was raised in, has been active participants (or silent partners) in the planned destruction of my life. 2nd side ignored this until this last year or so when 1st side started on them. 3rd side, walked away when i was 3 yrs old - is confused cause they've never had to deal with govt's except pay taxes and tickets - so they haven't said it - but basically are pulling out...its too much for them...just comply and it'll be alright. There is 1 person/former co-worker who pretty much supports me all the way - cause he knew me for 11 yrs now, while alot was going on until now; and has been my crying ear for years. Problem with him - he wants to marry me - and keeps throwing it in the conversations. He insists, once I get through the healing process, I will be open to intimacy and he wants to be the one. I can get back to the dynamite engineer, that worked hard, smart, successful, responsible, etc. He's inflamed and says he'll put everything he has on the line to support me because no matter what my life- I have always put my kids first. But....I'm not ready to have involvement with anyone everyday like that. Some days I want to be totally alone, and the number is increasing. Marrying him for the financial help, and moral support I see will only put me into another trap. And it wont be long before we are at each other's throats.

I guess my questions are: WHEN DOES IT STOP? When do I stop feeling the pain? When does the effort to control me stop? (rape, abuse, sodomy, racism, and CPS is all about power and control) When do people stop manipulating me and my life for their personal motives. When do I get credit for being a stupid sitting duck, waiting for it to pass....and my life is 2/3 over, what is there to fix? If everything changed tomorrow - what could be so good that it outweighs all the bad? So yeah - I'm really questioning my faith. Though small, its what has sustained me so far. Its taking all my physical energy to stand. Literally. Its like a weakness overcomes me and I feel myself trying to go limp, but then my mind works double time to fight the collapse, cause I don't want to upset the kids.

Beatthescammers
Posts: 259
Joined: Wed May 18, 2011 7:04 pm

Re: feel alone

Postby Beatthescammers » Mon Sep 05, 2011 10:25 am

Hi, bgorda.

Your sentence “If everything changed tomorrow - what could be so good that it outweighs all the bad?” shows the pain you are still experiencing. See that you have tried hard and have done the best you could to be a great mom. Some day your kids will be grown and you will see in them good things that your “mom” efforts helped to shape. Although it was a really miserable experience, what you have learned from CPS can also be used to help other moms and sadly, there are a lot of families that will need CPS advice. You have been through CPS hell and like all stressors, the memories will lessen with time. If you do not feel any better after this last court date, please tell your physician that you feel exhausted. You might be experiencing more than a situational depression. You deserve to feel better.

I agree with your assessment about marrying someone with whom you don’t feel “in love”. There is no guarantee that you would ever change and desire “intimacy” with him and this would cause a horrific amount of stress/fighting.

It is awesome that CPS is going to close your case. Yeah, there is the looming possibility that they could come back at some other time, but you have learned how to handle CPS now and IF it happens again, you will know more about handling the CPS monsters.




You expressed your dislike of ADHD meds which is understandable. I would like to share this recent scientific discovery about neuroplasticity because I am a mental health nurse and also have a child with ADHD who takes Adderall. Please forgive me if you find this annoying.

The brain’s ability to act and react in ever-changing ways is known, in the scientific community, as “neuroplasticity.” This special characteristic allows the brain’s estimated 100 billion nerve cells, also called neurons to constantly lay down new pathways for neural communication and to rearrange existing ones throughout life, thereby aiding the processes of learning, memory, and adaptation through experience. Without the ability to make such functional changes, our brains would not be able to memorize a new fact or master a new skill, form a new memory or adjust to a new environment; we, as individuals, would not be able to recover from brain injuries or overcome cognitive disabilities. Because of the brain’s neuroplasticity, old dogs, so to speak, regularly learn new tricks of every conceivable kind. A host of different structures, hormones, chemicals, and types of cells play some part in making neuroplasticity possible.

Neuroplasticity is what enables the creation of new neural pathways in the brain. While each neuron acts independently, learning new skills requires a large collection of neurons to be active simultaneously to process information; the more neurons activated, the better we learn. Appropriate ADHD medication activates additional neurons which makes information easier to learn.

Appropriate ADHD medication also positively affects the brain’s ability to focus and memorize because it stimulates the brain to create new neuron pathways. Scientists have found that children who have ADHD/ADD and take appropriate medication may not need ADHD/ADD medication in adulthood because the new neural pathways, that were formed while taking the medication, allow them to concentrate and no longer have ADHD symptoms.
http://memoryzine.com/2010/07/02/introd ... lasticity/


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