Living in fear and anxiety

Connecting with a power capable of victory even when masses of government workers and other assorted systemites are against you.

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angelheart83
Posts: 330
Joined: Tue Jul 27, 2010 4:12 pm

Living in fear and anxiety

Postby angelheart83 » Mon Aug 16, 2010 12:44 pm

I live in a constant state of fear and anxiety.

I've never had my children seized, but they did threaten to do so and I spent about 20 minutes one day believing that at least my autistic son was about to be put in foster care. The social worker said that if it had been up to her, I wouldn't have my son with me. Just THINKING of him being in foster care makes me sick. He's autistic, he needs sameness and routine. He needs someone who understands him since he can't speak for himself. He's had a hard summer, including having a regression...the last thing he needed was to have his family ripped apart and to be taken away from the mother who UNDERSTANDS him! Plus, I was scared because the rates of abuse are so much higher in foster homes and my nonverbal son could have been such an easy target. :(

This is my 3rd CPS investigation (although this 3rd investigation involved 2 separate malicious reports). Autistic children are notoriously difficult and their parents have to make many decisions that others may not understand. People believe that if they don't agree with something a parent does, it should be reported. I have never abused or neglected my son or my other child. I just do things differently than a lot of other people would choose to do, I guess. My "favorite" (sarcastic) report was my 2nd CPS investigation, when an anonymous (of course!) caller claimed that I drugged both of my children with Nyquil to make them sleep most of the day. In reality, I gave my autistic son (not both children) a safe supplement of melatonin to help him sleep. Autistic children are notorious for having sleep disorders and he couldn't fall asleep without it. Studies have proven it safe and his doctors knew about it. And yet giving my child an innocent product to help him sleep turned into drugging him with a cough medicine all day??? This current investigation started after a neighborhood dispute.

I have never been proven unfit but CPS is trying to interfere in my parenting decisions. The main social worker assigned to our case admitted on Friday that she hasn't even researched autism yet, even though she's been on our case since about the 21st or 22nd when this started. How can she have a clear understanding of what my son's care involves if she hasn't taken the time to educate herself?! They are all trying to force decisions upon me which I know to be harmful to him, because from my vantage point I have carefully evaluated them and rejected them. They think they know better than I do, without even researching my son's condition!

My children and I have all been traumatized by this agency throughout the years. Will the pain and fear ever go away? Even when I'm not being actively investigated (haha!) I am still afraid at every sound I hear outside. I'm afraid of people who come to snap judgments and disagreeing with me turning me in. I'm in an especially high risk category for CPS referrals because I:

--am low-income
--am a single mother
--homeschool my daughter
--has a son who self-harms and often has cuts and bruises
--has a son who may scream a lot which neighbors may confuse with abuse
--am a very conservative Christian.

I have people who believe in me, including my son's teachers. I enrolled him in public school last year after I was out of ideas and his homebased therapy was cut off. His teachers know that I'm a good parent facing a difficult situation, but there are so many other people in the world willing to risk tearing a family apart just because they see something they don't understand or disagree with.

My daughter was 5 during the first investigation. She has always referred to social workers as "mean ladies" and tells me all the time throughout the years that she's afraid of being kidnapped. During one investigation, my son got so upset that he actually screamed out "Mama!". This was a nonverbal child who was so desperate for his mother that he actually talked again. Why don't these people realize or care what they're doing to families?!

In the meantime, I am a walking cloud of fear. I had to actually call of a move, partly because I couldn't pack during an investigation. They had seen the moving boxes and stuff pulled out and taken pictures as if I was doing something wrong. I couldn't take the chance of that happening again during a surprise visit so I couldn't pack. :( I am afraid of taking time out of the day to spend with my kids, because now I have to clean during the daytime instead of at night when they're asleep and don't need me. The social worker expects every dish to be washed if she makes a surprise visit (yes, seriously). I'm afraid to cook meals during their workweek since it's so hard to clean up before they go to bed. Now I make a few entrees ahead of time on the weekend and freeze them. I'm afraid to take a break, because what if they come that moment?

I'm trying not to let my anxiety affect my children. I'm putting on a happy face for them but it's living a lie. Sometimes the anxiety overwhelms me and I say something out loud instead of just thinking it. I am very thankful that I have my children, because that's more than many people here can say. My heart goes out to everyone here, especially the ones who can't have your children with you. I wish our government would realize what's going on and put a stop to it. The way the system works is just WRONG.

There are only two things keeping me going right now. The first is that my kids still need me to be there for them and I'll have to answer to God if I let them down in my parenting. The second is that I think I will be able to sue them once the investigation is closed. I am so sick and tired of this corrupt agency and I want to send them a clear message! I can't wait until I can take them to court and hand them their rears. Thinking of those two things keeps me from crumbling under the stress. My goal is to somehow help set precedent for other families going through the same thing. I love what Linda does for the cause and hope to do the same.

Dear CPS: We were happier WITHOUT you, and that should tell you something.
My children have never been harmed by my actions. My children both love me and trust me. Even my nonverbal son shows he trusts me by how he interacts with me. We didn't deserve what we've gone through because of CPS. We demand justice.

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Daruma
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Joined: Sat Aug 28, 2010 12:34 pm

Re: Living in fear and anxiety

Postby Daruma » Mon Aug 30, 2010 11:41 am

Hi, Angelheart83. I'm new here myself. I just wanted you to know that I've read your story, and I've prayed for you. So many stories on this forum, including yours, have really touched my heart. You sound like an excellent and conscientious mom. May God be your advocate and your defender as you deal with so many challenges.
These are my personal opinions only. They are not legal, medical, or financial advice.

angelheart83
Posts: 330
Joined: Tue Jul 27, 2010 4:12 pm

Re: Living in fear and anxiety

Postby angelheart83 » Thu Sep 02, 2010 12:45 pm

Thank you sooooooooooooooooo very much for that comment! It really meant an indescribable amount to me. I know I've been a good mother to my child, but being accused of the contrary is extremely painful. It made my day to see that someone believes in me.

Thanks again, from the bottom of my heart. Thank you for making me happy in the midst of this terrible storm!
My children have never been harmed by my actions. My children both love me and trust me. Even my nonverbal son shows he trusts me by how he interacts with me. We didn't deserve what we've gone through because of CPS. We demand justice.

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LindaJM
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Re: Living in fear and anxiety

Postby LindaJM » Sun Sep 05, 2010 10:09 am

angelheart83 wrote:I live in a constant state of fear and anxiety.

This is not good. You are Christian so HAVE FAITH that God will protect you. Probably He's already protecting you and that's why your children have never been taken. Maybe this situation has been placed into your life so you can develop stronger faith. In any case, living in a state of anxiety and fear may bring on that which you fear, so don't go there. The answer is deep faith. Being proactive and willing to help others helps too! :D

angelheart83 wrote:Why don't these people realize or care what they're doing to families?!

They just want to be paid. They have bills to pay, and this is the job they landed. They'll do anything their evil supervisors tell them to do so that their paychecks aren't cut off. They also justify their evil actions to themselves, especially after they've been at the job a while and have become accustomed to the evil. They are jaded and lose their conscience and concern for humanity. All the while they are telling themselves how good they think they are, so that they don't have to feel the guilt.

Either that, or they quit. Only the corruptible ones stay on.

I need to write more, but now, got to go... will be back later!
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Please keep in mind that none of us are lawyers and we can't give legal advice. We are simply telling you what we would do in a similar situation. It is to your advantage to get a lawyer.

"Evil flourishes when good men do nothing." - Edmund Burke ... so try to do something to change the system ...

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LindaJM
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Re: Living in fear and anxiety

Postby LindaJM » Sun Sep 05, 2010 10:47 am

angelheart83 wrote:I'm in an especially high risk category for CPS referrals because I:

--am low-income
--am a single mother
--homeschool my daughter
--has a son who self-harms and often has cuts and bruises
--has a son who may scream a lot which neighbors may confuse with abuse
--am a very conservative Christian.


You remind me of myself a few years back. I was low income, single, homeschooling, and one of my children had a Asperger's diagnosis and the behavior brought a lot of negative attention our way. I was deeply religious but never have been Christian, specifically. After I left my religion ten years ago I became what I call a "label-less" believer...

During the last eight years of my children's childhoods I ran this website and stood up to CPS every time the caseworker darkened my doorstep... and he backed off each time. He had to (by their policies) talk to me and my children each time, but he always closed the case, perhaps because I told him the first time about this website and that I'd never sign anything and that if he took me to court I'd request a trial, so no stipulations or guilty pleas would ever be signed by me.

I think caseworkers prefer easier clients who will be frightened or coerced into signing papers...

angelheart83 wrote:I wish our government would realize what's going on and put a stop to it. The way the system works is just WRONG.

The government IS the problem - especially the FEDERAL government. As soon as the congress-critters enter office they are CORRUPTED by those who wish to control their votes. They are forced to sponsor ever-increasingly fascist child welfare legislation. Anyone who goes against the tide and protests the corruption is likely to be silenced... as Senator Nancy Shaefer probably was - most likely her death was a HIT disguised to look like a murder-suicide. Those who know the family cannot believe that could be the truth. There are corrupt powers that control our government. I think the Bible refers to "principalities"... even though I've never been a Christian, I have read the entire Bible, even the boring parts. :D (Exodus, Leviticus, laws and rituals, etc...) and I do have a healthy respect for Christ as Son of God... but I wasn't raised Christian and can't call myself one because my beliefs are more interfaith in nature.

I love what Linda does for the cause and hope to do the same.

Thank you and I hope you will. Showing a strong resistance is often helpful, though it hasn't helped all. Cheryl Barnes owned CPS Watch for a long time then left her husband and tried to be a single mom to ten boys for a few years, and her baby got snatched from her at gunpoint. So it is apparent that sometimes the system tries to retaliate... but I think more often... individual caseworkers don't want difficult cases with well-informed and legal-ready parents.

Bullies prefer to prey on the helpless.
Sample Document Library

Please keep in mind that none of us are lawyers and we can't give legal advice. We are simply telling you what we would do in a similar situation. It is to your advantage to get a lawyer.

"Evil flourishes when good men do nothing." - Edmund Burke ... so try to do something to change the system ...

sandrashonk
Posts: 15
Joined: Wed Sep 08, 2010 7:07 am

Re: Living in fear and anxiety

Postby sandrashonk » Tue Sep 21, 2010 12:06 am

HI. IAM NEW TO THIS SITE SO PLEASE BARE WITH ME. i KNOW EXZACTLY WHAT YOU ARE GOING THROUGH, BECAUSE YOU DONT KNOW THE TORTURE, HURT, SORROW OR DEVISTATION UNTIL YOU HAVE WALKED IN YOUR SHOES, AM THAT IS EXCATELY WHAT ME AND MY FAMILY HAS BEEN DOING FOR THREE HORRIBLY WRONG THREE YEARS. CPS TRICKS YOU INTO SAYING AND DOING WHAT THEY WANT YOU TO DO AND THERE ARE NO EXCEPTIONS TO "THIER RULE". I AM STRONG IN MY FAITH UNTIL LATELY. I KNOW THAT YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO STAND UP AND KEEP FIGHTING, HOWEVER, THERE ARE AND CAN BE SEVERE PRIVLEDGES STRIPPED FROM YOU IF YOU DO NOT FOLLW "THEIR RULES". MY FAMILY HAS BEEN SUBJECTED TO RUDENESS FOR A VERY LONG TIME. THEIR COMMON EXPRESSIONS OF: HUMILIATION, DEGRADATION, INTIMIDATION, DISCRIMINATION AND HARRASSMENT NEVER ENDS. THE DISMISSIVE MANNER IN WHICH THEY HAVE TREATED MY FAMILY IN THE JACKSON COUNTY FAMILY DRUG COURT DIVISION,. CATHOLIC CHARITIES - KC AND THEIR CONTRACTED VENDOR FOR SAMPLE COLLECTIONS WHICH IS DRAGNET EXCLUSIVELY, IS JUST APPAULING! BECAUSE WE WERE DONE WITH THE CRAP THAT THEY WERE PULLING SUCH AS: DEFYING COURT ORDERS FOR REUNIFICATION. THIS WAS COURT ORDERED IN OCTOBER 2009, HOWEVER, THE MANDATED SERVICES THAT ARE PRE-REQRESITES FOR REUNIFACTION HAVE NOT BEEN MADE AVAILABLE TO MY FAMILY. THE PERMANENCY GOAL IS WRITTEN "REUNIFICATION" BUT CATHLOLIC CHARITIES ONCE AGAIN DEFYS COURT ORDERS HAS PROCEEDED WITH THE ADOPTION OF MY TWO GRANDSONS. MY FAMILY IS NOT BEING ALLOWED THE COURT ORDER VISITATION EITHER. IT HAS BEEN ALMOST SIX MOTHS SINCE I LAST GOT TO SEE THIER PRECIOUS FACES, AND I HAVE BEGAN TO PREPARE MY SELF EMOTIONALLY THAT THERE WILL NEVER BE ANOTHER TIME THAT I WILL EVER GET TO HOLD HUG OR KISS MY TWO AND THREE YEAR OLD GRANDSONS AGAIN. THESE LITTLE GGUYS WERE MY PURPOSE IN LIFE, MY REASON FOR LIVING. IT ABSOLOUTELY TERIFIES ME TO THINK ABOUT THIS.THIS IS ANOTHER EXAMPLE OF THEIR MISCONDUCT AND VIOLATIONS OF OUR CONSTITUTIONAL STATUATORY, REGULATORY AND ANY OTHER APPLICABLE LAW AND POLICY.MY FAMILY IS BEING DISCRIMINATED AGAISNT, AND THE CONFLICT OF INTEREST AND PREFERENTIL TREATMENT FROM THEM WE BELIEVE TO BE IN DIRECT RETALIATION FOR US HAVING FILED GRIEVEANCES, LETTERS, COMPLAINTS TO EXPOSE THEIR INAPROPRIATE, UNLAWFUL PRACTICE PATTERNS SINCE MARCH 2010. I SAY THIS WITTH THE UPMOST SINCERITY. MY HEART GOES OUT TO YOU AND YOUR FAMILY, HANG TOUGH. STAND UP AND FIGHT BECAUSE YOU DO HAVE RIGHTS. NEVER GIVE UP! ITS GOING TO TAKE AN ENORMOUS NUMBER OF FAMILIES TO JOIN TOGETHER AND SAY ENOUGH IS ENOUGH, AND TAKE OUR BABIES BACK! BE CAREFUL HOW YOU FIGHT, THERE WILL BE CONSEQUENCES FOR DOING SO, BUT OUR CHILDREN ARE COUNTING ON US! GOD IS GOOD ALLTHE TIME, ALL THE TIME GOD IS GOOD. MY PRAYERS AND THOUGHTS GO WITH YOU. HAVE FAITH - YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
LONESOME NANNA

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LindaJM
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Re: Living in fear and anxiety

Postby LindaJM » Tue Sep 21, 2010 12:41 pm


If they're violating court reunification orders and being rude, I'd file for a state administrative hearing hearing so an Administrative Law Judge from the state department of social services can review the case.

To file go straight to the state; don't bother asking the caseworker about it.
Sample Document Library

Please keep in mind that none of us are lawyers and we can't give legal advice. We are simply telling you what we would do in a similar situation. It is to your advantage to get a lawyer.

"Evil flourishes when good men do nothing." - Edmund Burke ... so try to do something to change the system ...


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