Can CPS tell a parent to live with a specific person?

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SnowBall
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Can CPS tell a parent to live with a specific person?

Postby SnowBall » Thu Feb 23, 2017 8:18 pm

I know someone with an open CPS case, who is about to complete their plan and get unsupervised visits. The social worker told them that she strongly recommends that she lives with her mother (the childs grandmother). She said "no", she doesn't want to do that.

Can CPS require a parent to live with a specific person or....? I realize that they have to approve that their housing is safe and do a background check on any adults that would live with them. But I don't know that CPS can go so far as to tell an adult that they have to live with one specific person, not that they are using that wording, but "strongly recommend" sounds almost like a threat.

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KDus
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Re: Can CPS tell a parent to live with a specific person?

Postby KDus » Sat Feb 25, 2017 8:46 am

They can't tell you what to do about such things but they will punish you if you don't comply.

Nowhere, nowhere anywhere, in my lengthy case did a report or worker ever say that I should leave my wife. But, that was exactly what they wanted. I was blunt and honest with my attorney and he gave me the truth when I asked for it. He told me what they really wanted. The classes, support groups and counseling was just for show. They really wanted to force me to leave her.
I did and got 2 of my kids.

SnowBall
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Re: Can CPS tell a parent to live with a specific person?

Postby SnowBall » Sat Feb 25, 2017 1:03 pm

KDus wrote:They can't tell you what to do about such things but they will punish you if you don't comply.

Nowhere, nowhere anywhere, in my lengthy case did a report or worker ever say that I should leave my wife. But, that was exactly what they wanted. I was blunt and honest with my attorney and he gave me the truth when I asked for it. He told me what they really wanted. The classes, support groups and counseling was just for show. They really wanted to force me to leave her.
I did and got 2 of my kids.



Thanks for the reply. Can you tell me what CPS problem was with your wife? How far can they take the punishment to not comply with something that they aren't legally warranted to make you do? Would that go so far as to make you have to go to TPR trial? Sounds like the only way to get around all of that is to comply, then after case is closed get back together with your wife and move far away.

Your case is a little different than the example I gave, because CPS wanted you not to live with one specific person vs wanting you to live with one specific person.

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KDus
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Re: Can CPS tell a parent to live with a specific person?

Postby KDus » Mon Feb 27, 2017 8:39 am

The agency will almost always move toward a TPR hearing as a matter of course, standard operating procedure.
My ex had been a foster child and she was on prescribed oxy for failed back surgeries; that's all the red flags they needed. Furthermore, she is a narcissist sociopath compulsive liar and I believe she has borderline personality disorder. In spite of that, she wasn't a bad parent, just a bad person.(strange)
So, the social workers couldn't get a straight answer, or compliance, or any confidence in her. On one hand, she had every reason to fight CPS because of her childhood experience, yet, she consistently sabotaged her own interests.
So, the CPS answer was to lie, lie, and lie right back. They never had any intention of "reunification" and got caught. The case got extended because a case worker was found to be working against us, not with us.(she was promoted)

So, I changed strategy halfway. I'd intended to get back with her and move away but changed my mind. I had to keep my (ex)wife happy and please the social workers while secretly fighting both of them. The mother of my children became my biggest threat. I chose my kids. And, I did move away.

It is probably best to assume the worst about social workers and their intentions. They tend to be egomaniacal, narcissist, self-righteous, bullies that know how everyone should parent and will come and tell you while their kids are in daycare. How far will they go? Well, they want to be right and there is virtually no consequence for their actions. They will rationalize their actions because they know best and they're "doing the right thing"

SnowBall
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Re: Can CPS tell a parent to live with a specific person?

Postby SnowBall » Mon Feb 27, 2017 9:42 am

Thanks KDus for the details. That makes sense now.

You say that they almost always move toward TPR. In my experience in hearing about other people cases (friend and stories from her of others), that TPR and reunification are options t the same time. But it depends on if the parent is doing everything on the case plan and not failing drug tests. I'm only seeing a handful of real life examples though. I see either that the parent is not doing their plan fast enough and/or failing drug test, so their case stalls and they run out of time or lose chances to reunify. Or the other examples are that the parent does everything on the plan in time and doesn't fail any drug test. Then they get increased visits, unsupervised visits, overnights, then reunification. But the social worker usually makes sure this goes slowly and there is other BS, such as reports that are one sided and other passive aggressive type behavior which allows anything positive for the parent to happen much more slowly than you'd think, even as they are in 100% compliance for months.

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KDus
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Re: Can CPS tell a parent to live with a specific person?

Postby KDus » Wed Mar 01, 2017 10:49 am

When you consider there is a lot going on besides the fantasy of well intended workers seeking reunification, you can see that there isn't a direct relationship between compliance and reunification.

It was explained to me that they always asked for TPR along the way as a C.Y.A. standard practice. They always want to limit their liability. So, if the case goes awry, they can say, "Hey, not our fault, we wanted TPR"

Example: Just weeks before my case, a mother got her daughter back and drowned her in a bath tub. It was all over the news and they were very embarrassed. Next, a worker was shot by a parent in a neighboring county. So, my case was being heard by a judge that had recently sent a child home, to die. I was being scrutinized in the shadow of a parent that would kill a child and shoot a case worker. So, it would never be enough to just comply and complete the case plan. I had to do way more, as advised by my attorney.

Lots has been written elsewhere about the other motivations of case workers. Maybe I can summarize: They are part of a system with many parts and lots of jobs. All those jobs exist because there is a premise that kids need their help. The funding, and agency growth, and career advancement, and personal sense of purpose, and court officer appointments, and visitation supervisors, and adoption services..........all depend on finding kids that need "help".
It would be hard to deny that, even subconsciously, there are factors that aren't objective for a case worker; and others involved.

If CPS had been effective over the decades, wouldn't there be fewer kids to help, not more?

SnowBall
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Re: Can CPS tell a parent to live with a specific person?

Postby SnowBall » Thu Mar 02, 2017 10:58 pm

Hi KDus,

I have seen enough to realize that there is an overall purpose of helping children and parents to be reunified. But around all of that is a big game. And that game really needs to be realized and played. It's too bad that well intentioned parents and innocent children are put through the stress of being separated and have to figure out how they can manage to comply with all of their case plans with barriers put in place by CPS. Unfortunately there is a lot of game playing by CPS in order to get in the way of reunification. The parents must realize the social worker is working against reunification at the same time as they are supposed to be helping parents with their services so they can complete their case plans. I suppose that is why we are all here, to gain knowledge in how to beat them at the game.


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